


He Was a Different League (When I Was Nothing Much)

by AFangirlFantasy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety, Boys Kissing, Childhood Sweethearts, Crushes, Exes to Lovers, First Dates, Flashbacks, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Football Coach Louis, Football | Soccer Player Louis Tomlinson, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Harry Styles is Marcel, Heartbreak, I tried to make it that way at least, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Innocent Harry, Insecure Harry, Kid Fic, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Nerd Harry, Niall Horan is a Little Shit, No Smut, Non-Graphic Smut, Online Dating, Pets, Plot Twists, Popular Louis, SUPER BRIEF THOUGH, Single Parent Louis Tomlinson, Soft Harry Styles, Surprises, Texting, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, brief mentions of character deaths, dating app, duh - Freeform, editor harry, for Marcel, he always is in all my fics what's new?, i feel like I've tagged so much and somehow not everything, i tried to make it one at least, i tried to make it that way, in the past though, like a little bit, marcel is an editor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2020-12-09 07:24:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20991053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFangirlFantasy/pseuds/AFangirlFantasy
Summary: Prompt: Louis and Marcel dated at school, but they ultimately drifted apart. Years later, a lonely Marcel is made to start online dating by Niall, only to be matched with Louis.Sick of being alone, Marcel is forced (by Niall) to join an online dating app. The idea is well and all, except for the inconvenient fact that he hasn’t moved on from his childhood sweetheart - Louis. If only Marcel could learn to let go, he might actually be able to love again.Or, an AU where finding that 'someone new' actually leads to finding that 'someone old,' and Marcel is painfully oblivious.





	He Was a Different League (When I Was Nothing Much)

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like it's been years since I've had this ready!! Very excited to have another story posted for everyone, and to have my first ever Marcel fic complete! This was so fun to write, although, the amount of times I had to go back and make sure it didn't say Harry was alarming lmao!
> 
> As with most of my stories, I have a few people to thank A MILLION TIMES OVER because they did so much and are so great!! 
> 
> [Toni](https://sweetcreatureep.tumblr.com/)  
\- thank you so so so much for britpicking my story and making sure everything made sense!!! You were the first person to read it and like it, and I'm forever grateful for that!!
> 
> [Tabby](https://hi-larrie-ous.tumblr.com/)  
\- I cannot possibly thank you enough for the WONDERFUL AND AMAZING artwork you've done for this story!!!!! I love it all so so much!!! Plus, thank you for also reading through my story and tidying up the loose ends!!!! YOU ARE FAR TOO KIND, I OWE YOU SO MUCH!!
> 
> *Now, to all the beautiful readers out there - I love you all so much it hurts. I feel that thank you is not even close to being enough for how incredible you all are, and how much you all mean to me! But, it will have to suffice for now! 
> 
> _Thank you. _
> 
> I really really hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please let me know! <3 :)

**He Was a Different League (When I Was Nothing Much)**

I will remember the kisses   
our lips raw with love   
and how you gave me   
everything you had   
and how I   
offered you what was left of   
me  
_Raw With Love; Charles Bukowski_

Maybe he’s too old to be feeling this way? Or maybe too young? Nestled within the blue cushions of his secondhand couch, Marcel senses the beginning of bitterness swell in his abdomen due to yet _ another _ engagement announcement. Unsettled by the image, his thumb retreats from his phone, debating whether or not to like the post on Facebook. The jealousy in his mind tells him not to though, deep down, he knows that it has nothing to do with the couple and everything to do with his own perpetual loneliness. If only their photo didn’t have to remind him of it. 

It’s just - why can’t it be him with the ring on his finger? 

He doesn’t even care about the ring, what matters is what that small piece of jewellery symbolises. It shows that someone loves them. Someone wants them legally to be joined. While there are people who have never had an urge to be married, Marcel can’t say the same on the matter. He’s always dreamed of domesticity and a family and well...going to sleep alone in his bed is not his idea of that. 

For the past few years, he has at least been living with his best friend, but Niall - the traitor - has traded in his room for a new place with his girlfriend. He’s even begun the process of packing his stuff, and while Marcel is happy for his friend, truly, he’s also...bitter? Bitter. Bitter. Bitter. It’s like a poison in his system that won’t go away, making him feel as though the entire universe is in love except for him. If he were maybe twenty-one or twenty-two he wouldn’t have this endless weight bashing upon him, but he’s twenty-six. This is the age he had assumed he’d be in a relationship and it’s disheartening to face the truth every day that he’s not. 

The truth also comes with a heavy dose of guilt because Marcel is acutely aware of the fact that there is blame to be shared. It’s not only the guys he’s attempted dating in the past that have had issues. He’s been told numerous times by numerous interests that his heart is already occupied. That there’s no room for anyone new. Maybe Marcel is sabotaging himself by not being able to let go? His first love beautifully corrupted him, like most first loves do, and he’s had high expectations ever since. This is his biggest fault, he’s aware of this. 

He just never imagined it would be such an issue to move on. 

“_ Meow.” _

The greeting from his cat, Dusty, causes his focus to drift away from his phone, a distraction he’s all too pleased to have. Dusty is a mostly white furball with grey speckled amongst her soft coat and matching grey eyes that glimmer with mischief anytime she’s near. For the most part she’s a tame kitty, but she’s been known to knock down a plate or two to get attention. Mostly because she wants food. 

Marcel leans over his lap to watch as she rubs her face into his shin, purring as she goes back and forth to scratch her cheeks. Joking aloud as she does, he says, “At least _ you _ love me. Though, I also feed you so it feels somewhat bribed.”

The cat gives him a curious look before sauntering off to her favourite spot by the window. Marcel sometimes wishes his life could be as easy as hers; lounging all day, getting free food, getting loved unconditionally. Then he remembers that domesticated animals are entirely dependant on others to take care of them and his envy subsides just a touch. He still would like many of the perks that come from being a pet, but he enjoys his freedom to do as he pleases far too much. 

Although, if all he is doing with his freedom is watching other people live their lives via social media, is he really making good use of his privilege? 

He doesn’t want to answer that. 

Setting the thought down in his mind, hoping it’ll be forgotten, Marcel attempts to return to his Facebook stalking when the front door unlocks and Niall appears. “Hey, M. How’s it going this wonderful Friday night?”

Marcel rolls his jade eyes at Niall’s over-enthusiasm. “Just like any other night, Ni.”

Annoyingly plopping down onto the couch, Niall adjusts himself beside Marcel and snaps the phone away from his grasp, “Ah, checking good ole social media I see? Another engagement you’re crying over?”

“Stop it!” Marcel whines, trying to grab it back.

“No! _ You _ need to stop it,” Niall barks in frustration, his blue eyes staring pointedly. “This is pathetic. I’m about to leave in a month, which means no one will be around to force you from your bad habits.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“Am I? You get all weepy over everyone else’s relationships but when was the last time you dated? Or even went out with friends for that matter?”

It’s a low blow for a number of reasons, but he knows Niall is only pushing so far because he cares. He’s worried that Marcel will suction himself to this couch and never leave, and there are definitely days where that’s quite tempting, but. He’s also an adult. He can handle taking care of himself when Niall is gone. He’s not totally inept. 

Sighing dramatically, Marcel replies, “You know you’re my only friend.”

“Exactly! You need to branch out more. I know that in school it was hard for you because you were made fun of for being a know-it-all, but we’re adults now. We’re past that shit and nobody cares about you wearing sweater vests or glasses or how high your IQ is.”

“You done?” Marcel quips, which is rude, but...Niall has been laying this shpiel into him so often recently that this argument has become standard. Initially, he had agreed with his friend’s ideologies about relationships, both platonic and not, until Marcel came to certain realisations as the conversations continued. First, he has always been introverted. Why should he have to change? Why should he force himself to go out? While that may be Niall’s definition of entertainment, it wouldn’t make Marcel any happier. In fact, it’d probably make him worse. 

Additionally, the kind of spontaneous, reckless love that Niall expects him to stumble upon in a pub is fictitious. Even if it did exist, it’s not the type of love he’d want. He desires comfort not chaos. The kind of love that involves warm blankets by a fire and banana pancakes on Sunday morning. He wouldn’t mind going out and fumbling into drunken sex, but he doesn’t want it to be routine. There’s a difference, a big difference, which apparently Niall doesn’t comprehend. 

“You know what?” Niall says, his eyes squinting in a way that has Marcel suddenly nervous. “You’re right, I should back off. Here’s your phone, I’m gonna head to the loo.”

Marcel takes the phone Niall has extended towards him, and watches his friend leave for the bathroom before going to open his device. Relief floods him for a second, although it’s a second too soon because as he clicks for the home screen to appear, he realises instantly that something is wrong when a giant, emerald shamrock blares in his face.

“Shit!”

Running towards the bathroom, he starts banging on the door regardless that Niall has it locked. “Niall, you cheat, give it back!”

“No!” Niall laughs maniacally from inside, where Marcel’s phone actually is.

“Come on! Please!”

“This is for your own good!”

“You know what’s for my own good? Murdering you in your sleep!”

Niall’s laughter only increases at his aggravation. It’s useless. Inevitably succumbing to his defeat, Marcel leans against the opposing wall and slides to the ground, waiting for whatever may come of this. It takes twenty minutes of panicking and questioning and praying before he hears the door click open and a proud grin emerges from within.

“Here you go! I’m heading off to sleep, see you in the morn’!”

The evil bastard drops the phone into his grasp before strolling to his room, leaving it up to Marcel to figure out what he’s done on his own. Marcel wants to shake him, he does, but he’s too exhausted from all the antics. Lifting himself off the floor, he makes his way to his bed and jumps in with Dusty loyally following his trail.

Once in the safety of his covers, along with his cat curled at the bottom of his feet, he unlocks his screen hesitantly and looks for the source of Niall’s plan. It doesn’t take long before a new app stands out amongst the rest with a giant red heart in the center of it - Blind Date.

It’s a new company that does all the same gimmicks as some of the other ones; personality quizzes, compatibility tests and so on. However, the thing that makes this app stand out from the rest, is that people are not allowed to post photos of themselves. The app won’t even let users send images within the messages, so unless people were to exchange actual phone numbers, they wouldn’t know what the other looked like. 

The upside is that people are forced to pick potential dates based on shared information in their profiles such as personal attributes and characteristics, as opposed to choosing solely from looks. Supposedly, this alteration from the norm is also what creates better success amongst couples, which is probably why Niall downloaded this one as opposed to some of the more infamous dating sites around. Marcel will admit that ever since it’s release, the app has always intrigued him with their ‘no photo’ rule. For someone like him, that isn’t the most attractive of the bunch, an app like Grindr is too intimidating. Blind Date though, gives him a fair playing field amongst the rest.

Whispering aloud, he amends, “Point for Niall.” 

Clicking open the app, Marcel inspects how much damage-control he’s going to have to do thanks to his friend. He is fearfully unaware of what Niall decided to post on his account, however, as he searches through his viewable profile page, it appears that Niall took this seriously, for once. This is a huge comfort seeing as he really did not want to deal with meeting people that genuinely thought his fun fact about himself was fitting ten Oreos in his mouth. Which, Niall has blurted about him in the past, and while yes, Marcel can, in fact, fit that many Oreos in there, it’s not anything he wants people to know. At least, not potential partners that think that little tidbit is an innuendo for how much of _ something _ else Marcel can fit in his mouth. 

Niall is a real arsehole sometimes. 

Regardless, Marcel is pleasantly surprised by the outcome of his current predicament. Inspecting further into the capabilities of the app, Marcel takes into account that there is one notification marked unread in his messages. Pressing it, it reveals to be just a standard comment from Blind Date about how they’re happy to be of service, and to not forget to complete his compatibility test as soon as possible. He clicks on the included link, opening the exam and begins taking it as best as he can. Truly thinking about his responses when they ask him certain things such as future goals, family goals, career goals, and non-negotiables in a partner. They also do an extensive questionnaire covering genders and sexual orientations, even including sexual interests. 

Marcel almost finds it a bit too infringing on his personal life, but he supposes that it will make the matches better. They also mentioned at the beginning of the exam that Marcel can choose anything he wants to be public or private, so while they may use the information to help match him with someone else of similar interests, they don’t have to release any of the responses unless he wants to, to maintain anonymity. It’s the same reason they ask for users to create usernames, instead of posting their first and last name publicly on the site. Which is nice. The whole system appears well-thought-out and incredibly LGBTQ+ friendly, and that’s immensely appreciated above all else.

After a good half hour of answering the inquiries, the test is submitted. Thankfully, it only takes an additional two minutes for the results to be processed, and once it happens, a banner that reads, “Congratulations,” is waved until a list of eligible men is exposed for him to inspect. Marcel wiggles with excitement, more than ready to read through the candidates that the app has offered. 

“Let’s start from the top, Dusty.” He gleefully announces to his current companion. 

**SeaSerpent404**

**Age: 25**

**Gender: Fluid**

**Sex. Orient: Gay**

**Future Goals: I would like to move to California. I love hiking and surfing and -**

“Next.” Marcel hurriedly bypasses, moving on to the second option. 

**Captain Beckman **

**Age: 30**

**Gender: M**

**Sex. Orient: Bisexual**

**Future Goals: I don’t like to plan ahead. Where life takes me is where it will take me. I try not to go against God’s plan. **

He can’t help rolling his eyes at the last few words, “Nope.”

**EricJ223 **

**Age: 23**

**Gender: M**

**Sex. Orient: Gay**

**Future Goals: I love reading, so anything in my future that involves that - count me in!**

“Oh? Dusty, we might have a winner,” Marcel says excitedly, continuing to read EricJ223’s bio as his cat continues to ignore him. Apparently, licking her fur is much more interesting.

**Family Goals: I want one kid, maybe two. **

While Marcel has always wanted a big family, he’s not deterred by this statement just yet. Nothing is ever really set in stone, so it’s very possible this person would be willing to reconsider his stance. With that being said, he also will keep it in the back of his mind for good measure. 

**Career Goals: At the moment, I work for a law firm. One day I’d like to make partner. **

After perusing through the information, he decides this particular one might be worth a try. Following as the app suggests, he gets to the bottom of their page and clicks ‘interested’. This puts EricJ223 in a list of interests on Marcel’s account, and if the other marks interested back, they’ll be allowed to send each other messages. The thought alone of being matched with someone fuels his energy to view the rest of his lengthy list. User after user, he somehow gets past twenty-seven other profiles, placing nine in his interested pile, when Marcel comes across the last and final profile: number twenty-eight.

**ltom91**

**Age: 27**

**Gender: M**

**Sex. Orient: Gay**

**Future Goals: Not to sound too cheesy, but I just want to be happy and in love **

Marcel can’t stop the bubbling in his stomach at that. “Don’t we all?” He giggles to himself and peers further into ltom91’s page. 

**Family Goals: I have a huge family and I’ve always wanted the same . Plus a couple of dogs and cats, too . Can’t have a family without some pets, yeah ?**

“Yes!” 

He should be embarrassed at how enthusiastic he’s behaving, but he can’t find the will to care and only Dusty is here to judge him. So, it could be worse. 

**Career Goals: I’m a footie coach at a uni but after practices and on the weekends, I also teach lessons for ages 3-4 . I just really adore kids and I’ve always been passionate about football, so I thought combining them together made the most sense ? And in the future, I just hope to be doing the same thing . I really love my job a lot **

Fond. Marcel is so incredibly endeared by this person’s answers. If he could click interested thirty thousand times he would. He’s ready to marry this person, much less meet them for a date! None of the others had _ exactly _ all the checklists covered that he wanted. A few were close, but this person takes the gold. He hopes something will come of this because he really feels like if it did, it could be great. 

“Dusty, what do you think of that, hm? Being a part of a big family?”

Marcel grew up with one sister, Gemma, and despite having her and a handful of cousins, he always felt isolated during family parties or events. The other kids were all older than him, and they would all play together while ‘Marcel the baby’ was forced to stay back with his mum. He always asked every Christmas and birthday if he could have another sibling closer in age, but it never happened. However, once he was old enough to think of having a family of his own, he knew he wanted to have as many children as he could. In fact, the more, the better. And it’s nice to know someone else out there is just as keen on the idea as he is because a lot of his past relationships were opposed. Well...there was one. His first and only love. 

Louis Tomlinson.

Dating Louis was incomparable. It was and remains to be, unlike anything Marcel has ever experienced. There are often nights where he’s dangerously close to convincing himself that it was all a dream, some alternate reality his mind made up, but it’s never successful. There are too many correlations to ever let him fully believe that. Yet, sometimes it’s just as hard to believe that he actually dated someone like Louis, to begin with. 

They met in sixth form. Marcel spent his whole childhood in Holmes Chapel, as did most of the people in town. So, when Louis moved over from Doncaster in secondary school, he was the shiny new object everyone loved. When their paths finally overlapped, Marcel was sixteen and in year twelve while Louis was eighteen in year thirteen, and everything seemed too good to be true. 

** _Flashback_ **

_ “Hey M, ready to kill that maths test?” Niall had questioned as he ran up to Marcel, joining him for the walk to their next lesson. _

_ Niall was his only friend, but he liked it that way. Marcel was torturously shy when it came to meeting new people and he learned early on that not everyone was kind without compensation. It was better to stick with what he knew, and what he knew was Niall. They never had any drama, never any arguments. Niall would come over uninvited and eat with his family and hang out until midnight and then they’d do it all over again the next time. Occasionally, Marcel would go to Niall’s, but Niall always said he liked Marcel’s house the best - supposedly. _

_ Regardless, it’s always been the two of them. _

_ “Yeah, I guess,” he shrugged, “Revised till I fell asleep so I’d like to think I’ll do well.” _

_ “You always do good, you don’t even have to worry,” Niall reassured as he patted him on the shoulder. Marcel lifted his head up to smile but his eyes got carried away to the footie pitch where a few of the players were practicing some drills. Marcel knew nothing of football except that the school’s best player - Tommo - was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. Marcel may or may not have written a few poems about him, which only furthered how embarrassing his level of attraction was to the other. _

_ Unfortunately, the whole school felt the same way. All the girls and all the guys fell at their feet when Tommo sauntered by, all begging to get a chance with him. Sexual or not. What would he want with a virginal nerd like Marcel when he could have all the experienced and sophisticated people he wanted? That was why Marcel didn’t mind having feelings and watching from afar because, truth be told, Tommo would never know of any of it. He would never know about the poems or the lingering glances or even of Marcel. Ever. It was perfect. _

_ “Watch out!” _

_ Of course, that was the exact moment the plan all went to shit. Out of the corner of his eye, a round, checkered ball seemed to be barreling toward him. For a second, Marcel cowered slightly, but upon further observation he found that it, thankfully, never did anything more than land near his feet. Glimpsing over to the pitch where it came from, his cheeks blushed furiously when he recognised Tommo waiting for him to kick the ball back. But...but! Marcel didn’t know how to kick a ball. Not that far! The few times he ever had to perform the sport in PE, he fell. _

_ “You good?” He heard in the distance, which caused him to panic terribly. Niall - the enemy - stared with amusement on his face, knowing fully well of Marcel’s affections for Tommo. Even if he begged, Marcel knew Niall wasn’t going to help him out with this one. He was painfully on his own. _

_ “Er, yeah!” Marcel shouted back, adjusting his glasses that were slipping on his nose as he leaned forward to pick the ball up with his hands. Even though it probably looked ridiculous, he walked across the field, biting his lip painfully as his stomach clenched in nerves, and delivered the ball to Tommo directly. What had Marcel been thinking? He honestly didn’t know. This was so humiliating, but if he had tried to kick the ball only to have fallen in his attempt, it would have been significantly worse. So instead, he tilted his chin higher and tried to feel confident in his decision as he extended the object forward to its destination. _

_ “Erm, here?” _

_ Tommo, in all his glory, stood there with a puzzled smirk on his face, watching Marcel with the ball between them. He hadn’t reached out to grab it yet and Marcel didn’t know why. Why wouldn’t he take it? _

_ “Sorry, I just...I don’t know how to kick?” He quietly explained, wanting desperately to crawl into a hole and hide for eternity from this embarrassment. _

_ “Did you say you don’t know how to kick a ball?” Tommo inquired with a noticeable amount of mirth carried in his tone. _

_ This was it. This was Marcel’s death. _

_ “Er yeah,” he deflated. _

_ Instead of waiting for the boy to grab the stupid thing from him, Marcel dropped it on the ground and turned back shamefully, heading to Niall as nothing but skin and bones. He’d lost his dignity. He’d lost his pride. And his soul hadn’t felt like making an appearance at the moment. Marcel was empty. _

_ “Better luck next time, right?” Niall said, but no. There wouldn’t be a next time. Marcel just nodded anyway, not wanting to discuss this moment any further. _

_ The rest of the day only managed to suffice enough to not be considered absolutely terrible, but still. He could not get over what had happened earlier. Niall had offered to go home with him and hang out, but for once, he wanted to be alone. He wanted to drown in his misery and maybe look up study abroad programs in America. He didn’t even want to be in the same country anymore - that’s how bothered he felt. _

_ “Oi!” _

_ Marcel didn’t look up from the pavement his eyes had pasted themselves upon as he walked from the school. No one ever tried talking to him, he knew better at this point. _

_ “Oi, you there!” _

_ However, the voice had sounded familiar to him. Peering up hesitantly, he focused on the car that drove slowly alongside him and noticed that it was none other than Tommo in the beat up, black sedan. _

_ Marcel gulped. _

_ “Yes?” _

_ “Did you really mean it?” Tommo asked with his head slightly out of the window and a pair of aviators resting on his face. He looked so cool, so beautiful, that it was hard to focus on what he was saying. _

_ “What?” _

_ “That you don’t know how to kick a ball?” _

_ Nervously, Marcel answered. “Yes?” _

_ Tommo giggled and shook his head in disbelief before a celestial smile encased his face so brightly that Marcel was sure he was going to suffer third-degree burns. _

_ “Alright...want me to teach you?” _

_ “Is this some kind of bet or something?” _

_ Tommo’s face dropped into sudden confusion, “What?! What would make you think that?” _

_ Wherever he got the courage to actually speak up, Marcel wasn’t sure, but all at once he was suddenly defensive as he explained, “I’m the young swot that nobody likes, and you’re the dish that everyone wants. I mean come on, the plot’s a bit overdone, innit?” _

_ At that insinuation, Tommo parked his car and physically stepped out and up to Marcel, who had shrunk just a little once he was within such close proximity to the other boy. _

_ “Look, I don’t know what gave you that impression, but I don’t have an ulterior motive. I honestly think it’s a crime that someone doesn’t know how to kick, and football is a great way to spend time with friends.” _

_ “Friends? You don’t even know me.” _

_ Louis extended his hand abruptly, “Hi, I’m Louis Tomlinson. People call me Tommo, but I’d prefer it if you just call me Louis.” _

_ “Er,” Marcel stuttered, so overwhelmed by Tom- _ ** _Louis’_ ** _ charm. “I’m erm, Marcel Styles,” he slipped his large hand inside Louis’ awaiting grasp, loving how soft it felt against him. _

_ “It’s nice to officially meet you, Marcel. Now, would you be so kind as to answer my initial question?” _

_ “Which was?” _

_ Louis huffed, but his grin never retracted as he questioned again, “Do you want me to be your football teacher, so to say?” _

_ The moment those big blue eyes caught hold of him, Marcel knew he never stood a chance. _

_ “Er...sure. I guess?” _

_ “Cool. Now, get in me car, we’re gonna go practise.” _

_ “Now?” Marcel balked. _

_ “Now,” Louis winked. “No time like the present.” _

_ “But...but, I don’t have trainers with me, I’ll need to stop home.” _

_ “Okay.” _

_ “Okay? Really?” _

_ “Yeah,” Louis shrugged as he dropped down into the driver's seat, “I don’t mind.” _

_ Marcel’s mouth fell slightly, but he snapped it up as he followed Louis into his car and adjusted in the passenger side while mumbling, “I still feel like this is a scam.” _

_ Without warning, Louis abruptly leaned into Marcel’s space, and removed all breathing room between them as he spoke with earnest, “Marcel, this is one thing you’re gonna figure out about me, yeah? Everything I do, I do because I want to. I don’t say anything just because, I don’t do anything to please anyone. Alright?” _

_ Breathlessly, he conceded, “Alright.” _

_ If Marcel hadn’t known already that he was a goner for Louis Tomlinson, then this declaration had solidified his fate._

_He was doomed. _

** _End Flashback_ **

Over the course of their affair, Louis proved that statement to him tenfold. He spent so much time teaching Marcel the proper way to kick until suddenly he was teaching him the proper way to kiss. Their lips crashed into each other as fast as their feelings morphed into love, and they never looked back once. Their families united into one huge entity, and even Niall, without a second thought, made room in their group for a third. It was effortless how they settled into one another's lives. And for a whole year, it seemed like they were untouchable. 

But like all things that go up, they must come down. 

University had been approaching fast for Louis and they promised that things would stay the same. Whispered vows beneath bed sheets had been littered across Marcel’s skin, sealed with a needy pair of loving lips. They were going to make it work, that was the plan. So, packing up Louis’ belongings and joining his family to help his boyfriend move into his halls, Marcel stood by. But, things didn’t go the way they predicted. 

Without Louis there to comfort him, Marcel’s anxieties came alive. Every day and every night, they slithered around his throat, tightening whenever a new doubt had crossed his mind. Was Louis being honest when he said he was only going to lectures, only hanging out with his new friends in his room? Or was he finding someone else to share his bed with instead? And what was he really doing at all those parties that Marcel couldn’t keep track of? It had been a huge test of their trust for one another, and while Marcel trusted Louis with his whole heart, he didn’t trust the environment. Not even remotely. 

Especially since Marcel remembered what it was like before they got together, people throwing themselves every which way just to cross paths with _ Tommo _. Which, also didn’t stop when they started dating, people still wanted Louis, they were just more subtle in their approach. Whispered gossip behind backs, glares that trailed whenever Marcel passed by. They all thought the same - that Marcel didn’t deserve someone like their precious star footie player.

How was uni supposed to be any different? If anything, Louis was suddenly the attractive, footie playing, _ university _ student that didn’t have his clingy, nerdy boyfriend around to stop him. If anything, he was _ even _ more appealing and Marcel never had, and never would, stand a chance against the others. He was honestly surprised he even had an opportunity to experience the magic of Louis Tomlinson in the first place. Although, miracles couldn't last forever, and they too, had an expiration date. Not because Marcel wanted them to end, but because he was a simple dust particle, clinging to a star in a galaxy of other suns and planets. 

He was nothing special and Louis deserved special. 

Inevitably, they both began drifting apart. Marcel used to wonder what Louis thought about it all? What he thought every time he called and there was no answer? Or what he thought any time he himself hadn’t replied to a text the younger sent. They both had their reasons, and while they didn’t know the other’s side, it didn’t matter anymore. What was done, was done. A few more months had passed, Marcel was going to a different university, and soon Louis was just a wondrous memory he got to keep. 

Clearly though, touching a star left burn marks on Marcel’s heart because he never fully healed from the incident. He has never fully moved on from that relationship. It’s stupid, he knows. He was sixteen when they first started dating and so impressionable and naive. But, no matter what he does, he can’t seem to get it out of his mind. What ifs plague him daily, not to mention that any intimacy he’s had with someone else has been subpar. There’s no chemistry, not in a physical sense, and it’s gotten to the point where Marcel has begun to wonder if maybe he’s just broken? 

Maybe he’s just a bunch of damaged parts?

“Is that what it is, my pretty girl?” He asks as he scratches Dusty’s ears, provoking the cat to purr loudly. “Am I just void of true emotion?”

Marcel hopes that’s not the case. Hopes that even if he is shattered, that someone will stick around long enough to help mend him back together. But who knows? Rather than obsessing anymore tonight, he sets his phone down on the bedside table, lays his head on his pillow, and makes a wish that this stupid Blind Date app will actually work. 

Only time will tell. 

* * * *

It takes a little over a day for Marcel to receive his first message and it’s from this person, ShAwN, who within the first ten minutes asks for a dick pic and sends his phone number. Marcel is annoyed beyond belief because he was hoping this app would be better than those others for people solely seeking hookups. Although, once he brushes it off, he supposes that they can’t keep everyone like that off these sites, much to his dismay. This justification doesn’t stop him from being wary of the messages to come, though. Which, he does receive more within the next few hours. One of the conversations he has with someone who at least seems credible, but also incredibly bland. Niall tells him not to be so judgy, so he does entertain the guy enough for a date later that same night. However, it’s one terribly long date that involves the guy droning on and on and on about his job. 

Marcel doesn’t contact him after that. 

A few more days pass that involve a few more dates and Marcel’s at the section in his theory where maybe this app isn’t working? Nonetheless, he pursues on, for Niall’s sake. A true testament of his loyalty to his friend. Sadly, it takes another week of disappointment until he gets a message from someone he had actually been waiting for. 

** _ltom91: Hi _ ** **😊 **

“Oh!” Marcel is at work, editing over a story an agent passed along to him. He’s halfway through adjusting grammatical errors when he gets the notification and is a little too eager to be distracted from his job. 

_ MES21: Hi there! _

** _ltom91: Sorry for messaging so late . Haven’t a chance to check out the app in a while_ **

_ MES21: No worries! Have you been busy with your footie stuff? _

** _ltom91: Yes actually ! Had a tournament to go to and we won ! Very excited for my boys_ **

_ MES21: Congratulations! I’m afraid I don’t know much about football. Hope that won’t be a deterring factor _👀🙃

** _ltom91: Oh no . I’m afraid I can’t be with someone who doesn’t appreciate the sport like I do. _ **

** _ltom91: it was nice knowing you_ **

_ MES21: Er...okay, I guess. Nice knowing you, too. _

** _ltom91: …_ **

** _ltom91: YOU REALLY BELIEVED THAT! _ ** **🤣🤣🤣🤣**

_ MES21: Huh? _

** _ltom91: I was joking, love ! I would never do that to someone ! Although, to be fair, I do think some serious sports fans would pull a move like that_ **

_ MES21: lol! Well, how was I supposed to know? _

** _ltom91: you’re right ! That was poorly executed by me . How can I ever make it up to you ?_ **

_ MES21: You can’t! _😝

** _ltom91: ther must be something _ ** 😊 ** **

_ MES21: Well...I can’t really text right now since I’m at work. But maybe we could have a text date? Later tonight? _

** _ltom91: Yes !_ **

_ MES21 _ ** _: _ ** _ One other thing though... _

** _ltom91: Hm ?_ **

_ MES21: If we keep talking, do you mind keeping this as anonymous as possible? I kind of like the idea that we don’t know our names or faces yet. I mean, obviously I want us to share information, but if we could keep what identifies us out of the convo until we officially meet, I think that would be kinda cool? _

** _ltom91: Sure ! I like that idea a lot actually_ **

_ MES21: Good _😊

** _ltom91: talk to you later cutie xx_ **

_ MES21: Bye _

It’s a good thing no one in the office is sparing any glance Marcel’s way, because his cheeks are tinted the most glorious crimson colour. He also may or may not be smiling like an idiot at his phone, desperately wanting to continue the discussion despite what he said. Regardless, it’s better this way. While he doesn’t want to, he really should be attentive to his work and ltom91 is ridiculously distracting. 

So begrudgingly, Marcel waits until tonight. 

Eventually, the clock notifies him that he can go home, and without a second thought, he grabs his jacket and departs. Recently, nighttime has been a parade of different variations of grey, all warning that rain could be imminent. This particular evening, gratefully, is the first in a while that is illuminated. Watermelon sherbet wrestles above, colliding into candy floss clouds, giving way for the sky to paint a pretty picture for Marcel to stroll under. Along with the view, a warmth cradles his face from the sun’s last remaining golden hues, easing all the tension that had been compacted inside from the day. Due to this, Marcel arrives home ever the optimist - more than happy to begin this text date. 

But first, he takes advantage of the few extra minutes he has to feed Dusty, and himself, pop open a bottle of wine, and sit down on the couch while he waits for a message to come. 

“Let’s hope he reaches out soon,” Marcel says. 

“Talking to your cat again, M?”

Niall scratches at his brown locks while he comes over into the living space, chuckling to himself as Marcel groans in reply, “Didn’t know you were here.”

“Wouldn’t have made a difference though, would it?” He jokes, getting on the floor to pet Dusty. “Why can’t I take you with me? It’s not fair.”

“Because she’s _ mine? _”

“Debatable.”

“No, it’s not.”

“We could co-parent. I could get her on the weekends?”

“Not happening.”

Niall whispers into Dusty’s ear, “Yes, it is.”

Shaking his head from irritation, Marcel snaps, “Go away. You’re bothering me.”

All it earns him is an obnoxious cackle from his friend. 

“I’m serious, Ni. I’m in the middle of something.”

“Yeah?” He questions, and though it seems like he’s going to continue pestering Marcel, he instead relents. “Alright then. I know when I’m not wanted.”

Feeling marginal guilt over his comment, Marcel adds on, “It’s not you, yeah? I’m just waiting for an important text.”

“Oh? That’s fine, have fun okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Stay safe.”

“Mhm.”

“Don’t give out our address.”

“Right. Any other last minute advice you’d like to share?”

“Wear a condom!”

“Oh my god.”

“You asked for it.”

“You know what? I did.”

Niall is still talking somewhere in the far distance when suddenly, Marcel’s phone vibrates and all attention is lost to anything else. Looking down, he sees it’s from ltom91!

** _ltom91: Too early ?_ **

_ MES21: For you? Never _😊

** _ltom91: Charming . Are you the type of boy my mother warned me about ?_ **

_ MES21: I wish! I’m the type of boy your mother would have said to be nice to because I had no friends _

** _ltom91: Well I’m the type of boy that would have been your friend without needing to be told_ **

_ MES21: That was nice of you to say, but you don’t have to comfort me, just so you know. I’m used to it. _

** _ltom91: Trust me, I’m not just sayin that . I really would have . I made friends with everyone back in school_ **

_ MES21: _🤗

** _ltom91: So...MES21...tell me your top 3 favorite desserts_ **

_ MES21: Really? _

** _ltom91: Can always tell a man by his sweet tooth_ **

_ MES21: Hm, hadn’t thought about it like that but I might have to agree. And mint ice cream, red velvet cupcakes, and apple pie, I think? That was hard! _

** _ltom91: Good choices ! I like all sweets so much . I dont think I could pick just 3_ **

_ MES21: What about pets? Any faves? _

** _ltom91: What kind of man do you take me for ? I’m an equal opportunity lover meaning that I love all animals equally _ ** **✊🏻**

_ MES21: Preach! I actually have a cat...Dusty. I’ve had her now for a few years and we’re a package deal. _

** _ltom91: Even better . I have a dog named Clifford and we also come wrapped in a box together _ **

_ MES21: Sounds spacious. I’ve always loved animals, I would like to have as many as possible. _

** _ltom91: Same, although I draw the line at snakes_ **

_ MES21: Oh no _

_ MES21: I have like four snakes _

** _ltom91: Really ?_ **

_ MES21: Yeah...guess this won’t work then. _

** _ltom91: I see what you’re doing there_ ** ** 😉**

_ MES21: _😊 

** _ltom91: You’ll have to try harder to get me back_ **

_ MES21: Don’t worry, I will _

** _ltom91: Is that a promise ?_ **

_ MES21: Maybe _ 😊 

** _ltom91: You’re adorable, just fyi _ **

_ MES21: Not even close _

** _ltom91: Yes it is_ **

_ MES21: So...what do you like doing on the weekends? _

** _ltom91: Subtle_ **

** _ltom91: And I like to drink with friends occasionally but I’m not a big partier like I used to be . Mostly just cuddle up on the couch and watch some shows_ **

** _ltom91: You ?_ **

_ MES21: I am definitely a ‘cuddle up on the couch with a movie’ person, yes! _

** _ltom91: Do you like wearing big jumpers ?_ **

_ MES21: Yes _

** _ltom91: Do you like covering your hands with the end of your jumpers and making sweater paws ?_ **

_ MES21: Maybe… _

Slightly suspicious, Marcel does a sweep around the flat, just to make sure no one is currently watching him. While it’s most likely only a guess, ltom91 is spot on in respect to the jumper, seeing as Marcel is in a large lavender one at the moment and his sweater paws are in full force. 

** _ltom91: See !_ **

_ MES21: What? _

** _ltom91: Adorable _ **

Using his sleeves, he hides his face to keep his grin contained from spreading too far. Fact, there’s only so much smiling a man can manage before it starts to hurt. 

** _ltom91: What other things do you like doing ?_ **

_ MES21: I like reading a lot. I work as an editor for a publishing company. _

** _ltom91: That’s awesome ! Is that your ultimate goal or do you want something else ?_ **

_ MES21: I would like to be a literary agent. I’ve always loved the idea of helping those starting out, and getting their stories noticed by both publishers and readers. I’d be like their personal cheerleader. _

** _ltom91: That sounds like it’d be an amazing job _ **

_ MES21: Yeah. What about you? Are you really that happy with your job? _

** _ltom91: Yeah, I am honestly. I love it so much . I love working with the kids, both younger and older, and it really gives me a sense of purpose that I hadn’t felt for a while _ **

_ MES21: I’m sure you’re an amazing coach xx _

** _ltom91: This is random but...I’ve been on this site for a little over a month, and you’re the first person that I have truly enjoyed talking with _ **

_ MES21: Really? _

** _ltom91: Yes ! I mean it . I was starting to lose hope and was thinking of cancelling my account _ **

_ MES21: I’ve been feeling the same way, too. I had a few awful dates that I couldn’t be more happy to be done with. But this - us talking - it’s really nice. _

** _ltom91: Yeah . I don’t want to rush anything, but I already can’t wait to meet you in person _ **😁

_ MES21: Same _😊 

** _ltom91: Maybe we could set a date ?_ **

_ MES21: Hm? _

** _ltom91: For our date ?_ **

_ MES21: Is that your way of asking me out? _

** _ltom91: MES21 would you like to go out with me for dinner on the Friday after next ?_ **

_ MES21: Two weeks? _

** _ltom91: Yeah . That way we have time to continue getting to know each other_ **

_ MES21: I would love to _

** _ltom91: Great _ ** 😁 ** _ I’ll set it up and send you the details when it’s closer _ **

_ MES21: Okayyy _

** _ltom91: I have to go to bed now, but I’ll talk to you tomorrow_ **

_ MES21: Alright, good night _😊 

** _ltom91: Goodnight xx_ **

The last thing Marcel wanted to do was say goodnight. He was having such a thrilling time talking to ltom91, and with the way he was getting so swept up, it made him feel like a teenager all over again. He felt giddy, enamored. And anything ltom was giving, Marcel was on the other end completely devouring. He couldn’t get enough. 

The thought of talking with him tomorrow has Marcel nothing shy of impatient for the following day. Typically, he pushes going to bed as late as he can, specifically to catch up on some shows, but all he wants to do currently is fall asleep. Only because sleeping means waking up to morning, and morning means talking to him again. 

He can't wait. 

However, the world isn’t as excited as Marcel is at seven a.m. The skies are coated in cotton white, and there is a threat of grey to come; an ominous sign of rain. He isn’t deterred though, making his way to work through the busyness of London. Once he arrives at his desk and throws out the remains of his muffin that he purchased on his way in, he pulls out his phone and checks for any new messages. Disappointingly, there are none, but he doesn't let it mean anything. Ltom may not have woken up yet? Or maybe he’s waiting for Marcel to send the first text since he initiated their conversations twice now? Anything is possible. 

When it comes to relationship protocols, Marcel will admit that he isn’t the most aware of all the rules. Who has to call first? Who has to pay first? Who has to wait however many days until they can do this and that? It’s exhausting. At least there are some people that don’t entirely abide by this ridiculousness, because it’s hard to follow. Briefly, Marcel wonders where ltom lands on the spectrum, if he is more carefree or orderly? Someday he’s sure he’ll find out, but momentarily, he might as well get over his fears and text the man himself. 

_ MES21: Morning handsome _

Satisfaction amounts when the other replies right away. 

** _ltom91: Mornin’ _ ** **😁**

_ MES21: How are you? _

** _ltom91: Better now that I’m talking to you_ **

_ MES21: Cute _

** _ltom91: Yes, you are . Glad you’re finally realising it_ **

_ MES21: You’re almost as bad as the rom-com I was watching last night _

** _ltom91: The Proposal ?_ **

_ MES21: _👀👀👀

_ MES21: How did you know? _

** _ltom91: Well it’s funny, you know ? How the telly can play films and shows for people all over the UK, so that more than one person can watch the same thing at once ? Really cool, that . _ **

_ MES21: _😳

_ MES21: Guess it’s better than the alternative in which you are stalking me _

** _ltom91: Oh don’t worry…I do that too_ **

_ MES21: Oh good, I feel much better now _

** _ltom91: _ ** **😜**

** _ltom91: How did you sleep kitten?_ **

Kitten. Kitten. Kitten. Marcel can’t explain the reaction his body has, but the pet name practically has him purring on the spot. Who knew something as simple as that could affect him so greatly? He is a blushing mess, keeping his head low in case any coworkers peek their heads in to see what he’s doing. His flustered facial features might give away that he’s not doing what he’s supposed to. 

Oops?

_ MES21: Good, but lonely. That’s how it always is, to be perfectly candid _

** _ltom91: Same, honestly _ **

** _ltom91: I’m kinda tired of going to bed by myself_ **

_ MES21: When was your last relationship? _

** _ltom91: A lot of stuff has happened in my life (which I’ll definitely tell you at some point) that has kept me from proper dating for a long time . The last time I truly had someone with the term “boyfriend” was when I was in uni . After that, it’s been a series of one night stands to get me through, but it’s obviously not very satisfying for someone who wants to be exclusive_ **

_ MES21: What made you want to look into dating now? _

** _ltom91: Some family members of mine told me it’s time to let go and move on . That there’s no better time than right now . I’m just hoping they’re right_ **

_ MES21: It’s funny, I have a similar reasoning with the “it’s time to let go and move on.” I had one serious boyfriend ages ago, as well. They were everything to me, and when we broke up, I didn’t really know how to love again? It took me a while to even think of dating, and when I tried, all I did was compare them to my ex. I didn’t even know I was doing it, but subconsciously in my mind, I was already writing them off before giving them a real chance. _

_ MES21: One of my most recent dates had finally told me that I needed to let go of the past or I’d be single forever, and that was sort of traumatising for me. I had always just assumed that my somewhat relationships had ended because of the way the others were, but suddenly, this big giant finger was being pointed at me and I had no defence against it. And the worst part was that it was true. I was sabotaging myself. _

_ MES21: So...my friend finally set this app up for me, and I told myself that this time around, I was going to take my time. That I was going to walk instead of run because I don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t want to live life by myself anymore. And I also don’t want to settle for whomever. However, I’ve come to learn that on dating sites, this is a lot to ask for _

** _ltom91: It really is, innit ?_ **

** _ltom91: I really appreciate you sharing that with me, and I hope we both get what we want out of this . Even if it’s not with me, I hope you find the person that you’re looking for that makes you feel that special kinda way_ **

_ MES21: Same for you _ 😊 

_ MES21: You deserve to love and be loved more than anyone else _

** _ltom91: Hey...even if we don’t work out with dating, maybe we could try staying friends ?_ **

_ MES21: Yeah! That would be great! _

** _ltom91: Cool _ ** **😁**

_ MES21: Regretfully, I have to focus on work now, but would you be up for another text date tonight? _

** _ltom91: Of course . I’ll text you later _ **

_ MES21: Aright, bye _

** _ltom91: Bye kitten xx_ **

Closing out the app, Marcel puts his phone off to the side and thinks about how this just keeps getting better. Ltom just keeps getting better. Their conversation is effortless, and entertaining, and comforting. There are so many layers that Marcel is enjoying to watch unfold. And again, he feels so young and stupid. Like he’s sixteen again and reckless with his heart. 

He’s practically floating. 

In his mind, he’s lying on a cloud of bubbles weightlessly sailing along the sky. He never wants to come down. This thing - this _ way _ he’s so enraptured, feels too good. This feeling of being wanted feels too good. Even though it’s hardly been long at all, the idea of letting go of this person is already daunting. That’s how much he likes ltom, how taken he is with him. And if Marcel is this responsive just from a few texts, imagine what he will be like when they meet in person? 

It’s incredible.

* * * *

This morning alone is dragging terribly, and when he hoped it was time to be out for the day, it was only time for lunch. Opting to utilise his chance for a break, Marcel steps out and eats his sandwich in the lobby. He doesn’t normally sit inside since there is a small patch of grass beside the office building that he likes to perch on. However, with the rain that eventually came, it is not an outside kind of day. As he finishes up the last of his bites and groans quietly to himself over having to go back into work, it’s at that moment that his phone rings. Initially, he thought it was a text, but the screen displays it’s a call from his mum. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, darling,” She says warmly. He can picture her sitting in her home office, fiddling with the strands of her brown hair as she talks, “How’s work?”

Marcel is very close with his mother and sister. Since they all live in different areas, they have scheduled calls during the week to make sure that they never lose track of staying in touch. Gemma had gone to France with her boyfriend while Marcel went to London right out of uni. His mum is still back at home, but she’s often keeping herself occupied by going away on trips. 

Which is why Marcel is surprised his mum is calling outside of their designated time. 

“Good, mum. What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing much. Just checking in.”

He teases, “You’re never just checking in.” Which results in her laughing. 

“Alright, you got me. You see, I bumped into Katherine Elborne last night and she was telling me that her daughter keeps in contact with Lottie. You remember...Louis’ sister! And she was-”

Marcel almost doesn’t interrupt her fast enough, “Mum.”

“Wha-what?”

“I don’t want to know.”

“Marcel?”

“I don’t want to know, Mum. Please.” It was meant as an ask, but rather comes out as a plead. Begging her not to mention anything about Louis. 

“Oh, uhm. If that’s what you want, I can...I can stop.”

“I would appreciate that, cause I’m er,” He stalls, unsure if he should say anything, but deciding it can’t hurt, “I’m talking to someone right now.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Marcel clears his throat while simultaneously scratching his fingers through his short curls, “And I want to give them a fair chance.”

“Alright,” she complies, “I won’t say anything.”

“Thank you.”

“Is it going well?”

“I think so.”

“Good, I’m glad for you honey.”

He can hear the smile in her voice. Even if he can’t see it, it’s nice knowing it’s there.

“Thanks.”

“Well, I best leave you to it. I’ll call you tomorrow so we can have a proper chat?”

“Sure thing.”

“And Gemma might be coming home next weekend if you want to come see her.”

“Okay, I’ll book a train.”

“Okay. Goodbye, darling.”

“Bye, mum.”

Marcel has never enjoyed being stern with his mum, and on very rare occasions, has he ever managed to do so. However, he does not want to know anything about Louis or his life or his family that could deter or sway him from ltom. And sometimes his mother has done that in the past. Call him up the minute she hears news about the family and shares whatever information she was told, which would always put Louis right back to the forefront of his mind. Marcel has heard a lot of rumours over the past couple of years, but what good does it do him? 

The thing is, their families used to be close when the two of them were dating. The Tomlinsons and Styles had become one giant group, and when the two of them broke up, their mothers and sisters tried their best to carry on. Yet, the Tomlinsons started slowly pulling away, and while Marcel’s family understood, they did, they also wished it didn’t have to be like that. But they were choosing to support Louis and that meant not engaging with the ex’s relatives. Or at least, that’s what they assumed had happened? But who really knew? 

And ever since, Marcel’s mum started picking up these little clues, finding bits and pieces on how the family was doing. At first, Marcel thought it was strange of her to want to know, but Gemma explained that it was her way of coping. Her way of feeling like she was still apart of their lives because Marcel’s mum deeply cared for the Tomlinsons, and losing them completely had left a bruise on her heart. Once Gemma clarified this, it all started to make sense. The loss left a bruise on all their hearts, too. So, he stopped reprimanding his mum for doing it, and instead, engaged when she shared whatever tidbit she found out, even if it hurt him every time she did so. 

Today though, today he just couldn’t do that again. He’s too excited by the prospect of another relationship - a _ good _ relationship - with someone like ltom. Someone that seems nice, and affectionate, and funny. Someone that seems to be worth it. So for his own sake, he had to tell his mum to stop. He can’t keep doing this to himself. Trudging up old feelings, old memories, every time she simply utters that one name. It’s not healthy for anyone. 

Still, no matter how many boxes Marcel locks tight or how many ways he tries to remove Louis’ presence, his remnants, from his mind. There’s always one piece of history that breaks apart from the cage he’s set and begins to play against his wishes. A memory, he may never be able to bury down deep enough to forget. 

** _Flashback_ **

_ It was midnight. They had been hiding out from the heat of Summer by hiking in the woods all day. Louis was leaving in two weeks and Marcel didn’t know how to accept that yet, but. “It is what it is.” That was what Louis had told him, at least - it is what it is. _

_ After twilight broke across the sky, invading the sun’s canvas with a sparkling navy blue, Louis suggested they go to their spot. It was something they found a few months back during a random trek through the trees, but once they discovered the majesticness of the place, they claimed it as ‘theirs’ ever since. During the day, it was just a random patch of grass near a cliff, but at night, it provided the best view of the stars they had ever seen. _

_ Once they arrived to their spot, they instantly laid down on the grass, side by side, and watched for hours as the licorice expanse of night illuminated with stars. In retrospect, it was the same as any other time they had gone, but Marcel sensed there was something different about tonight. Something finite about the way they were moving and talking. Like they truly knew that everything from here on out was no longer invincible. That they were no longer invincible. Marcel wished that they could be though, as he stared up into the sky. He wished with all his might that he and Louis could be as eternal as the light above them. But… _

_ Even stars burn out, eventually. _

_ “Sometimes, M,” Louis whispered quietly between them, letting his breathy voice fill up the atmosphere, “Sometimes I just want to run away. Just go out into the middle of the forest like this, and live under the moon with you by my side.” _

_ “I’ll go with you. Wherever you are, I’ll follow you, Lou.” _

_ Louis wrapped his arm around Marcel and pulled him into his chest, a move he’d done a thousand times, and yet, it was never enough. _

_ “I need you to know this, love. You are...you are like the rain. You come on slowly, subtly, and then all at once you’re pouring over me, consuming me, and I’m just drowning in you. Your love surrounds me, always, and I will never take that for granted.” _

_ “Lou…” _

_ “No, listen baby, please,” Louis weakly begged, “Whatever comes to us in the future, I need you to know that right here in this moment I am nothing but in love with you. And I’m always going to love you. And that’s all that matters.” _

_ “I love you, too.” Fumbling with his words, Marcel’s tongue rushed to say, “I’ll never understand what I did to deserve you, but I will always be devoted to you and only you.” _

_It wasn’t exactly right as it came out. It wasn’t precisely how he wanted to express his emotions. _ _Regardless, it must have satisfied because Louis lifted his head from the ground and leaned over Marcel, who remained to lie down. He didn’t rush in his movements, Louis took his time, greedily extending the seconds as much as he could. From where Marcel was looking up, he was breathtaking. Unfairly breathtaking. So much so, that Marcel wanted to dig into the cavity inside his chest and pull out his heart to physically give to Louis, just to prove how hopelessly in love he was with the other. _

_ Instead, Louis began sliding his thumb up and down his cheek in a way that always made him blush, and that Louis always adored. _

_ “My heart is your captive, Marcel. You can do with it what you want.” _

_ Marcel leaned up, inching into Louis’ space, their lips so close it made him feverish with need as he took advantage of this second chance to confess his love. “I want it.” he breathed into Louis’ mouth. “I want it all, every blemish, every scar, every flaw - I don’t care. It’s still perfect to me, you’re still everything to me.” His nerves had taken reign as he made such a bold admission, causing him to reel back slightly as he summed up with an exhale and said, “So yeah, I want your heart, Louis. All of it and forever.” _

_ More often than not, Marcel struggled to verbalise his feelings. His tendency of being shy made it difficult to be assertive or blunt, so when Louis had looked at him with tears in his eyes, he panicked that he messed up, yet again, at conveying himself this evening. He was about to say something, anything, to remedy what he had done. Until, Louis initiated something he would come to learn that he could never forget. _

_ Wasting not another breath, Louis erased the distance between them and kissed him deeply. Sucking out all the air from Marcel’s lungs as he did so. Louis wanted to pull him apart, to ravish him inch by inch - he could tell just by the need in the other’s lips. And who was Marcel to tell him no, when he wanted that in tenfold? So rather than backing away, like he always did when he was fearful, he dared to inch closer. _

_ Letting Louis know that every part of him was for the taking. _

** _End Flashback_ **

Standing up from the chair he was sitting at in the lobby, Marcel wonders if he’ll ever get over that night? Get over giving Louis every single part of his soul he had to offer? Get over loving someone more than himself? As he makes his way to the lift to get back to work, he concludes that he has a fifty-fifty percent chance -

Fifty percent he will forget.

Fifty percent he won’t.

* * * *

A few days pass along in tandem, with Marcel just trying to keep his head in the game. Ltom has been texting him, and though they have been having amazing discussions, Marcel is hesitant. He’s sure the other knows it too because he’s held back from bantering as much as he used to. It’s just that, Marcel doesn’t want to get involved if his head or heart are not in the right place. He wants to do this the correct way, and so he reels back for a little while. Justifying his lack of communication on a big project he’s doing for his job. 

Which, technically, isn’t entirely a lie. He did have a big project, he just also finished it a week early. 

Semantics.

In any event, the week stumbles on like a drunk staggering home, somehow achieving in bringing Marcel to Sunday Night. At this moment, he’s bundled up on the couch, watching a random movie with Niall, when his friend oddly asks a question during the most serious part of the film. 

“Do you still have that date this upcoming Friday?”

Tugging his eyes from the screen, Marcel shifts to Niall who is lounging on the loveseat with his legs sprawled over the armrests. “Erm, yeah...I do.”

Niall nods, “Okay.”

“Why?”

“Well, you haven’t talked about it much, so thought something might’ve happened?”

Tentatively, Marcel confides, “I’m just trying to get my head in the right place for our date.”

Niall obviously remembers Louis. For a while there, the two of them had been close friends as well, meaning that Niall knows what it was like for Marcel after everything happened between them. Which also means that he knows perfectly well what Marcel is implying. 

Moving his body so that he’s seated up regularly, Niall wonders, “Wanna talk about it?”

“I never want to talk about it, but I probably should.”

“You definitely should.”

“It’s just,” Marcel exhales, pulling his knees up to his chest so that he can lean his head against them. He’s feeling old traces of his shyness inflame, a trait he’s nearly overcome in his adulthood. He had hated it so much, that he spent years bettering his confidence so that he could be the way he is now: unafraid. At least, for the most part. 

“I’m really liking this guy that I’m talking to, but some stuff triggered me into thinking about Louis again, and I - I’m just angry? Frustrated with myself that I still allow him to have this hold on me. It’s been years, Niall. Ten years, in fact. Why can’t I let him go?”

A frown etches itself into Niall’s face, “I think the problem is that you keep harping on yourself when you don’t have to let him go completely. Louis was your first love and you’re always going to love him. And that’s alright. But you have to stop letting the past dictate your future. You need to keep going forward, and yeah, you can have a piece of yourself love Louis, but you also have to give yourself the space to love someone else. And usually, you let your past consume you so much that you don’t give anyone the room.”

“I’m really that bad?”

“Yeah, you are. I mean think about right now. Louis triggers your mind and so what do you do? You back away from the person you’ve been messaging. Is that really giving that guy a real chance then, if you’re already starting to close him off?”

“I hadn’t thought about it like that.”

“I know you haven’t.”

“Thank you,” Marcel says. 

“Don’t need to thank me, that’s what best friends are for.”

“You’ve always been there for me, Ni. I don’t know what I would have done without you all these years.”

Niall’s eyes round and a slight smile appears, “Don’t go all soft on me now.”

“Too late.”

“You know what, buddy? Too true,” he jests.

Marcel giggles as he cuddles further into himself, letting Dusty use his feet as a pillow for her head. Niall just smiles and shakes his head, before going to play the film again. When Marcel is done adjusting, he decides to pull out his phone for only a second and send one single message off.

_ MES21: Sorry I’ve been MIA. I really can’t wait to meet you _😊 

He doesn’t wait to see if ltom responds because he wants to devote his time to being with Niall, but it’s a start. A start to something better. Marcel just has to believe in himself enough to get over his past. Once he can accomplish that, he can do anything. 

* * * *

** _ltom91: can you believe that I’m going to see you in two days _ ** ** 😲**

** _ltom91: I feel like i’ve known you forever_ **

The texts come in while Marcel is laying in bed, on the verge of putting on a show to help him fall asleep. Due to ltom being busy with a footie match, they didn’t chat at all earlier in the day. Although, aside from this, they actually have been non-stop messaging since Sunday. They’ve shared quite a bit about one another over the past couple of days, and if Marcel was excited about meeting this man before, he's even more delighted now. 

_ MES21: Truly though, it does feel like you’ve been in my life for a while. And yes, I’m very very very excited to see you soon! This week couldn’t pass fast enough! _

** _ltom91: I know we agreed not to talk about things that identify us, but I can’t help trying to picture you in my mind . You should give me a hint ! _ **

_ MES21: I’m male _

** _ltom91: That narrows it down_ **

_ MES21: Thought so _ 😊 

** _ltom91: Anything else ?_ **

_ MES21: Despite popular belief, I do not have four eyes. _

** _ltom91: You wear glasses ?_ **

_ MES21: Neither can confirm or deny _

** _ltom91: Rude !_ **

_ MES21: What about you? _

** _ltom91: I have blue eyes_ **

_ MES21: Wow. Telling. _

** _ltom91: I already know you’re an adorable kitten, so now I just need to find an adorable kitten that has glasses on, and I’ll be all set _ ** **😏**

_ MES21: It seems like you’ve got it all figured out _

** _ltom91: I do _ **

** _ltom91: Well, just when it comes to you_ **

** _ltom91: Don’t ask me about anything else lol_ **

_ MES21: Noted _🤐

_ MES21: So...I have a question _

** _ltom91: Yeah ?_ **

_ MES21: If things go well on the date, do you mind if we take things slowly? I want to do this right. I don’t want to jump into each other’s beds or fall too fast only to burn out just as quick _

_ MES21: I hope you don’t mind _

** _ltom91: I whole-heartedly agree with you . I had been planning to take it slow anyway . This is the first time for me in a while where I’m wanting to be serious, so trust me, I don’t want to fuck it up either _ **

_ MES21: Okay _😊 

** _ltom91: I know we hardly know each other still, but I’ve been really enjoying your company and I don’t think that’s going to change, just so you know . So if you feel like you’re not 100% committed to trying this with me, you can let me know now . I won’t be offended or hold it against you, but I’d rather get it over with before any feelings are involved_ **

Being one hundred percent committed to anything sounds terrifying, but it makes sense. Why start anything if they’re not already willing to put in their best effort? It’s nice to know that ltom is already invested in making this work. It’s reassuring to Marcel in a way he didn’t know he needed. It’s also the first time anyone has ever asked this of him - to be all in. Previously, he wouldn’t have been able to do that, to promise that. However, he’s feeling a change in his heart, a door slightly opening that had been closed, and it’s just enough of a nudge to push Marcel from hesitancy into confidence as he answers. 

_ MES21: I am. I’m committed. Ever since we started talking I’ve been wanting to try this out with you. I really want to try my best to make this work. _

** _ltom91: If we were together right now, this would be the moment where I’d lean in to kiss you_ **

_ MES21: If we were together right now, this would be the moment where I would let you _

** _ltom91: _ ** **🙃**

** _  
_ ** ** _ltom91: Kitten, I’m afraid it’s getting late for me, but there is some good news with that_ **

_ MES21: What’s that? _

** _ltom91: It’s officially midnight, which means I’ll get to see you tomorrow_ **

Searching for the icon on his phone, Marcel realises he’s right. There is only one day left until their date. 

_ MES21: Tomorrow _💙

** _ltom91: Tomorrow _ **💚

* * * *

“So, I hear you have a date!”

For whatever reason, his sister thought it was a good idea to call him at his job to talk about this. Marcel is slightly annoyed because he answered her call thinking it was actually something serious. He loves Gemma, he does, but she has zero boundaries. At all. And her invasiveness is not always appreciated. 

“Gem, I’m at work. Did you really need to call me about it right _ this _ second?”

His sister laughs, “Unlike you, you introvert, I have plans later.”

“How did you even find out?”

“Do you really need to ask?”

Niall. It’s always Niall. Marcel definitely didn’t even need to ask, he could have figured that one out on his own. The two of them have a strange friendship, if even that, where all they discuss is Marcel. It’s somewhat alarming considering that they’ve been doing it since they were all kids, but sometimes it’s better not to know why things are the way they are, and just accept it as is. 

“You both are ridiculous. What do you want?”

Gemma states obviously, “To find out some details.”

“I don’t know much about him. We met on that Blind Date app that Niall forced me to join, but things have been,” he stalls, not sure how much he wants to admit. “Yeah, things have been good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. I’m really looking forward to meeting him tomorrow.”

“Aw, I’m glad M. Do you know where you’re meeting?”

Marcel slightly flushes at her cooing, “He wants to take me to dinner at Sette.”

“Oh,” she drawls playfully, “Fancy.”

“Yeah, maybe a bit too fancy for me.”

“Clearly he’s trying to impress you.”

“Well yeah, I figured as much,” Marcel teases.

“You know what you’re gonna wear?”

“Pants.”

“I should hope so,” she snorts. 

“I’ll probably have Niall help, honestly.” 

“Probably for the best.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I just wanted to call and tell you good luck, and I want to hear all about it on Saturday when you come over.”

“Thanks. And yeah, I will.”

Maybe she notices a shift in his tone or just has her sister intuition set on high, but Gemma pauses when Marcel expects her to say goodbye, extending the call a little bit longer. Instead of the assumed ending, she makes one last comment as if she knows Marcel needs a little bit of reassurance for tomorrow. Which, she would be correct. “M, you’re gonna do great, just so you know. The other guy is the lucky one to be taking you out on a date, not the other way around. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Don’t drink too much.”

“You realise who you’re talking to, right?” He quips. 

“Make sure to text someone when you leave or if you go somewhere else so we know where you are.”

“Obviously.”

“Wear a condom.”

“Why does everyone keep telling me that?”

Gemma makes an obnoxious, fake gagging sound, “I don’t wanna know why other people are telling you that!”

“You know what?” Marcel groans, “You’re the worst. I take back the ‘best sister ever’ mug I made you in year three.”

“Good, I broke it anyway. Maybe you can make me a new one?”

“Rude,” Marcel dramatically scoffs. “But Gem, as much fun as this is, I really gotta go.” 

She’s laughing on the other end as she says, “Fine! Enjoy yourself tomorrow, I love you! Bye!”

“Bye!”

As siblings growing up, Marcel and Gemma had always been close. She was always protective over him, especially into their teen years when Marcel seemed to be at his most vulnerable. He never wanted her to, but she would always be there, alongside him, ready to fight all the big bad monsters in his life. Nothing ever happened, not physically at least, but it was nice knowing he had her support. 

As adults, things haven’t really changed all that much. The only thing different is that Gemma is married now, and pregnant, meaning that Marcel isn’t her main priority anymore. And that’s okay, more than alright, actually. Because Marcel doesn’t need her for protecting anyway. Not only has he learned to defend himself over the years, but he’s learned that the monsters from his youth are simply people that are unloved and insecure. Should he ever need her though, Gemma will always be there, standing next to him, ready to fight with all she's got.

Something, he will eternally be grateful for.

“Ay, Marcel! How’s that editing going?” His boss yells as she’s passing by his cubicle. Marcel gives her a wave before reluctantly, returning to work. 

It takes three more relentless hours before he’s finally free to go home. Once he’s free, he’s practically running back to his place. He can’t help it. Even though the date is tomorrow, his nerves are already sky-rocketing inside and making him all sorts of anxious. What will ltom look like? Sound like? Smell like? _ Feel _like? Marcel is itching to know every detail that intertwines into making the other. 

What does his laugh sound like?

His questions are racing wildly amok, with no clear direction on where they’re going. He tries to silence them by thinking of what to eat for dinner tonight, but that only sets him on a tangent about what the place serves for tomorrow. Even Dusty doesn’t help once he enters inside, as she begins to brush her coat against his legs. 

“Hi, baby girl. How’s my princess doing?”

He gives her a quick rub before heading straight for his wardrobe, wanting to figure out his outfit situation sooner rather than later. Of course, nothing satisfies him. Either the article of clothing isn’t the right colour, doesn’t fit him the way he wants, or just isn’t nice enough for the place they’re going to. After another hour of rifling through his wardrobe and eventually bribing Niall to come in and help out, he finally comes up with a pair of slim fit, black slacks, a cashmere, pale blue jumper that Niall said, “Looks good against his complexion,” and lastly, his more expensive pair of black glasses and a watch.

“You’ll look like a sexy librarian,” Niall cheers at the finishing product.

“Is that what I want to look like?”

“Definitely.”

Marcel’s face colours at the implications of what he means, but thankfully, Niall doesn’t stick around to mess with him more, seeing as he’s heading over to his girlfriend’s for the night. It’s better like this, anyway. Only because Marcel can spend the whole night preparing himself and his body for the date. Not that he thinks anything sexual is going to come after it, but he still wants to trim up, shave up, and maybe use a face mask or two? Especially since he’ll be rushing home after work tomorrow, and won’t have the opportunity to do all of that in between getting dressed and heading out again for their dinner. 

“I really can’t believe it’s finally happening,” he says aloud, shaking his head in amazement over how fast the two weeks have passed. It feels like so much has happened in such a short time span, but he also feels like he’s coming out of it on top. Feeling better than ever, and feeling ready to give love another chance. 

He genuinely hopes this will all work out. 

A few hours into the evening, and at some point during his pore minimising peel-off mask, Marcel receives a message. 

** _ltom91: Red or Pink_ **

_ MES21: Pink _

** _ltom91: Milk or Dark_ **

_ MES21: Dark _

** _ltom91: One or two_ **

_ MES21: What are you asking me? Lol I’m so confused. _

** _ltom91: You’ll see 😄_ **

** _ltom91: In less than 24 hours _ **

_ MES21: Wild, innit? _

** _ltom91: Really is_ **

** _ltom91: Question_ **

_ MES21: You’ve already asked me a bunch _

** _ltom91: One more_ **

_ MES21: Okayyy _

** _ltom91: Have you been talking with anyone else ?_ **

_ MES21: No, I haven’t. Just you. _

** _ltom91: Okay, same for me ! Just wondering _ ** **😁**

_ MES21: Wanted to make sure I was all yours? _

** _ltom91: Honestly ? Yes . I’m not too bad with jealousy or possessiveness, but I definitely don’t like sharing_ **

** _ltom91: Sorry, I know a lot of people don’t like hearing that_ **

_ MES21: I don’t mind! I think there’s a level of attraction in knowing you’re desired so much by someone that they want you all to themselves. If that makes sense? Just need a balance, like with all things. But I definitely don’t like sharing either. _😊

** _ltom91: You make it so easy to like you_ **

_ MES21: Feelings mutual _

** _ltom91: _ ** **😊**

** _ltom91: Sadly, I have to get going, and I’m going to be busy tomorrow so may not get a chance to talk before our date . But, why don’t we meet up at the bar first ? Think it’ll be easier that way_ **

_ MES21: Sounds good with me. And alright, hope you have a good rest of your night! _

** _ltom91: You too xx_ **

The countdown begins. 

* * * *

Shirt? Check. Wallet? Check. 

“Breath?” Marcel questions audibly as he exhales into his hand, “Minty.”

He’s gone over the list of everything he needs roughly five times, making complete sure he’s totally prepared for his date. He might even be doing a more thorough job than Santa on Christmas Eve. But, he can no longer stall anymore. He knows he’s good, he just has to jump over the hurdle of his nerves and he’ll be all set.

“Okay, I think it’s time.”

Niall grins with Dusty cradled like a baby in his arms, “It’s been time, you diva. You look great. Now get lost and go have fun!”

“Don’t steal my cat.”

“I make no promises!” Niall shouts as Marcel exits the flat. 

Traveling down the steps to the sidewalk, Marcel makes his way the few blocks over to the restaurant. His body is shaking and he feels like he might be sick, but the excitement of what’s to come overpowers the rest. He can’t believe it’s actually time. That it’s actually, truly happening. He has a date - with someone he really likes, no less. His mind is absolutely spinning as he tries to keep his feet directing forward. 

Arriving at the lavish hotel the restaurant is located within, he heads straight for the bar as they agreed upon. It’s insanely nice on the inside, a place he wouldn’t have come to on his own accord. The upscale, modern design is so sleek, Marcel feels fully out of his comfort zone. Not to mention, that the people alone who are in attendance exude nothing less than luxury. Good thing Niall helped him with his attire, otherwise, he would have been extremely insecure. 

Thankfully, in regards to that, he has nothing to worry about. 

Locating the bar near the front of the place, Marcel gathers himself up and strolls to the counter, taking a seat at a vacant stool. It doesn't take even two seconds before a staff member is addressing him. 

“What would you like to drink, sir?” The female bartender inquires. 

“Amaretto Sour.” Usually, he doesn’t drink on dates, but his anxiousness is getting the best of him. It can’t hurt to utilise a bit of alcohol to help ease his mind. Once the drink is handed over to him, he takes a few sips, allowing the liquid courage to release some of the tension in his muscles. As he’s about to take another drink, a larger one at that, a hand taps him on his shoulder, calling his attention. 

This is it. 

This is what he’s been waiting for.

Marcel turns in his seat with a witty greeting ready and waiting to be released. However, when the person comes into view, the sight he’s confronted with causes the greeting to die on his tongue and instead, leaves him to gasp, “Louis?” 

“It is you,” Louis smiles euphorically, “I wasn’t entirely sure, but I had to come find out. Wow, _ Marcel_, how have you been?”

How can this be happening, is all Marcel thinks to himself. How is this his luck? All he wanted was to get Louis off his mind, and now his bloody ex is here! At the place where he’s supposed to have his date! Why? That’s all Marcel wants to know. Why? Why? Why?

The unfair part about it all too is that Louis looks good. So good. If he was beautiful in his teens, he’s stunning in his twenties as he’s adorned in a maroon button-down top and wonderfully tight, grey trousers. The outfit accentuates the curves of his body just right, and the color of the shirt was made to highlight his features..._new _features, features he had never seen before like the hint of scruff playing along his chin that works too well with his caramel, feathered hair that somehow manages to look softer than Marcel recalls. And as opposed to when they were younger, Louis' hair is longer in the front, curling over his forehead and framing his face just perfectly so, framing his eyes perfectly, too. Yes, those blinding blues. Marcel almost forgot how detrimental they were to his heart every time they held him hostage with a glance. It’s too much. 

This is all too much. 

Swallowing thickly, he remembers Louis asked him something and replies, “Erm, good. Good, yeah. How about yourself?”

“Good,” He grins, exposing his ever-charming smile, “It’s been ages.”

“Yeah, it has.”

“You er, you here with anyone?”

Marcel’s mouth pouts slightly, “Yeah, just waiting for them now.”

Louis’ eyes track the downward movement, but he doesn’t mention it as he says, “Same. Mind if I join you while we wait?”

“Not at all.”

“So...you look great, by the way.”

His face reddens fiercely. Louis has always had a way of contorting Marcel into a pile of mush whenever he’s around. The other used to love it though, love how soft Marcel was with him. Of course, that was years ago now. Louis probably doesn’t think much of it anymore.

Stop. Stop. Stop. _ I have a date! _ Marcel yells to himself, he shouldn’t care what Louis thinks. 

Coughing, he replies, “Thank you. You, as well, Lou. You look...you look incredibly handsome.”

“Who would have thought ten years later that we’d run into each other again?”

“Yeah, it’s crazy.”

“So, how’s your family? I miss them so much.”

“They’re good, and they miss you too. They would love to hear from you again. How is your family doing?”

“Er. They’re good. Yeah.”

It’s visible that Louis is refraining from saying much on the matter, so Marcel steers the subject onto other menial topics for the next fifteen minutes. Within this time, he also checks his watch and notices how much the hands have passed. It’s discouraging, and soon the feeling of being stood up slowly settles in. Marcel had been sneaking glances around the room, observing everyone that had passed by, but not a single person fit the bill of his date. On top of that, only two other couples had come to the bar aside from Marcel and Louis. 

Louis must realise Marcel’s disinterest in what he’s saying, since he asks, “Everything alright?”

“Sort of. Waiting on a date tonight actually, and I think they’ve stood me up.”

Louis’ eyes widen in a way Marcel doesn’t understand. “A date?”

“Yeah, why?”

“What,” he stutters, “What’s his name?”

Finding the question a bit intrusive, Marcel almost doesn’t want to say anything. Why would Louis even want to know? He wonders, wondering enough to leave him curious for an answer. Figuring it can’t hurt much to respond only so that he can satisfy his own suspicions, he supplies, “Don’t know, met him on a dating app. We were keeping our names hidden on purpose.”

“Which app?”

“Why do you care?”

Louis implores, “Please.”

Marcel gives in because he wants to._ Obviously. _ Not because Louis still has a hold over him or anything… 

“Blind Date.”

“_Fuck.” _

“What?”

“I should have known.”

“Known what?”

“That it was you.”

“What was me? Lou, you’re scaring me.”

Louis snaps a little, “That MES21 was you!”

There are few times in Marcel’s life where he feels totally caught off guard. This, is one of those times.

“You - you are ltom91? Wow,” he chuckles because it’s so insane he doesn’t know how else to react, “That username...wow. It was so obvious, wasn’t it?” 

“Oh god, that’s embarrassing that I didn’t figure it out sooner. I mean, what are the odds?”

Marcel wants to cry. This whole time he had been trying to get over his ex when what he really was doing was falling for him all over again. 

“I’m baffled.”

Louis nods heavily in agreement, “I’m gonna need some water.”

As Louis sits up a little higher in the stool to catch the bartender, Marcel deflates, accepting that there is no longer any date awaiting him. Accepting that he is not the one Louis wanted to be with. Coming to terms with this, he says, “Well, I guess I’ll - I guess I’ll leave you to it.”

The other whips around so harshly at those words, Marcel’s concerned he might have hurt himself, “What do you mean?”

“Clearly I am not who you were hoping for as your dinner date tonight,” Marcel explains.

Louis has this confusing look on his face, like he’s annoyed, but also highly amused by the comment. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah?”

Shifting his torso so that he’s entirely facing Marcel and providing him with his most undivided attention, Louis gives a look that he’s done time and time again. Like the first day in the car when Marcel accused him of scamming, or anytime where Louis has needed to defend himself and prove his point. It’s a look of self-confidence. A look someone gives before an outcome is revealed, but they know they’ve already won. 

“Maybe I haven’t been as painfully transparent as I thought? Marcel, I’ve been sitting here, wishing that our people wouldn’t show up so that we could spend more time together.”

Marcel’s mouth drops, “What?”

“I uh,” Louis chuckles, “I’m even _ more _ pleased to know that the person I’ve been talking to, has been you.”

“You’re lying to me. Please don’t.”

“I’m not, I swear.”

“But,” Marcel stutters, “But we ended? We -”

“I didn’t want to end things with you, but a lot was going on in my life, and a lot has happened since, that you don’t know about. But, I’d be willing to share it with you. Tell you everything, make sense of all this stuff, and then, let you decide if you want to try this again? Try us again?”

“I…”

_Ring. Ring. _

Somewhere deep in his pocket, Louis’ phone rings loudly. He pulls it out to check the screen for who the caller is and immediately answers, “Hello?”

Intrigued, though unable to hear what’s being said, Marcel listens solely to Louis’ side of the call. Trying to make out the exchange as best as he can. 

_ “Hi, love.” _

_ “Remember I said only to call if it’s an emergency?” _

_ “Darling, I told you I’d be home by ten.” _

Darling, I told you I’d be home by ten. 

Darling. Darling. Darling.

Why would Louis be calling someone darling? Marcel knows Louis doesn't refer to any of his sisters as such, and the fact that he mentioned to this person that he’d be home by ten implies that he lives with them. 

Lives with this darling. 

There’s only one logical explanation that formulates, and it’s that Louis is dating someone else. Marcel’s mind explodes with this information. Half of him is wanting to rebuke the words, and the other half is creating scenarios to support its truth. Maybe Louis got on the dating app to find someone to cheat with, and really doesn’t want to date someone exclusively? Maybe he did know it was Marcel all along and he just wanted to fuck with him from the start? 

Giving in to his anxieties, Marcel leaves some cash on the counter to pay for his tab and doesn’t wait for Louis to finish his phone call as he storms out. All he’s thinking as he retreats is that he should have known better. 

Once outside, the bitter chill encases him whole, invoking him to wrap his arms around his torso as he looks for the nearest tube station. He believes there’s one about another block over, but the sound of his name being shouted, momentarily, halts his step. 

“Marcel!”

He doesn’t want to stop, but he does so only to humour Louis one last time. “What?” 

“Why did you leave?”

Not withholding his anger, he snaps, “Because you clearly have someone waiting for you at home and I’m not a homewrecker!”

Louis smirks, the bastard. “Get in my car.”

“Are you insane?”

“Marcel. Get in my car and everything will make sense, I promise.”

He stares at Louis, wanting so badly to find a shred of doubt in his stance, but there is none. In fact, he seems as controlled as ever. For whatever irrational reason, he trusts this, and does the exact opposite of what his conscious is telling him to do. Only for now, he tries to justify. 

“Fine, but the minute I want to leave, you’re taking me home.”

“Deal.”

Sliding into the passenger seat of the blue sedan, Marcel remains quiet as Louis leads him to an unknown destination. It reminds him of being sixteen and sitting as a passenger in Louis’ car every chance they hung out, and how smitten Marcel had been with him from the start. It’s unfair how things have hardly changed. How Marcel is still sitting beside Louis, already so eager to love him again. Why can’t he be stronger against the other? 

And what does that say about Louis then? 

Is he just as weak for Marcel as Marcel is for him?

“This is my home,” Louis points out as they pull into a driveway. Following him out of the car, Marcel timidly makes his way up the walkway to the front door. It’s a lovely ranch-style house with tons of yard space and a pristine white fence. It’s the kind of house Marcel used to envision himself growing a family within. He’s tempted to ask about it, ask about anything because all he wants are answers, but as Louis goes to pull out the key, the door opens wide and Marcel finds himself completely caught off guard for the second time this evening. 

“Papa, you’re home!” 

“Sorry, Mr. Tomlinson. She wouldn’t go to sleep until you were back.”

A tiny blonde person rushes up into Louis’ arms, along with a teenage girl that steps out of the house. The teenager smiles fondly at Louis holding this child, as though she’s witnessed the scene many times before. 

Marcel is stunned into silence. 

“It’s alright Katie,” Louis amends, “You can head home now. I’ll leave your pay in the mailbox first thing in the morning.”

“Thanks,” Katie says as she gives them all, including Marcel, a friendly grin and vacates.

Once it’s only the three of them, Marcel finally lets his eyes take in the little girl, and the first thing he notices is a pair of familiar, blue eyes staring back at him in wonder. “Who’re you?” She asks, her words squeaky and jumbled together.

Louis reprimands only a little, “Now now Grace, that’s not how we greet people, is it?”

She shakes her head no while still held in his arms, but Louis gently puts her down on the ground so that she can go up to Marcel properly. 

“Hi, I’m Grace Tomlinson,” she reaches out her hand in a way that shows the gesture has been practiced. A toothy smile joins along in her introduction that’s far too cute to be ignored.

Marcel already adores her. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Miss Grace Tomlinson,” Marcel extends his hand out, shaking hers within his much larger grasp. “I’m Marcel Styles.”

“Are you Papa’s friend?”

Making eye contact with Louis, Marcel agrees hesitantly, “Yeah, something like that.”

“Are you sleeping over?”

“No, sweetie. Not tonight.”

“Will you come back? I wanna show you my unicorn pancakes! They’re my fav-favourite," she adorably struggles to say, "but I can only have ‘em when friends are over.”

“Grace, darling,” Louis interrupts, “It’s been a long night and it’s time for bed. Why don’t we talk to Marcel another time, yeah? And we can make your pancakes for him then?”

“Okay!” She cheers, grabbing hold of Louis’ hand as she lets him guide her into the house. 

Marcel stalls at the front of the door until Louis looks back with a face that tells him to come inside, so he does. Making himself comfortable, he takes his shoes off and searches around the room till he’s glimpsing over the family photos that are hanging on the wall. And he really can’t believe what he finds. The proof is in every photo, in nearly every single frame - that there’s a tiny little human attached to Louis. Grace is really his. Lous is really a Dad. 

Wow. 

“Sorry about that,” Marcel turns swiftly to find Louis talking to him as he comes into the living room, “She’s all set, by the way. We can sit and talk if you want.”

“I...yeah. I want to. Definitely want to.”

“Do you have any questions?”

Marcel laughs, “I have about a million, but I want you to tell me it all first.”

“Okay.”

Louis sits down on the couch with Marcel doing the same, he fidgets with his hands for only a minute until the words start pouring from his mouth, “Well, obviously this starts where our relationship ended. Or at least, faded out. Uni was...was everything I wanted it to be and more that first year. I was going out all the time, hanging out with friends, drinking whenever I could, and that definitely affected us. I know I hardly responded to you, and I deserved it when you ignored me back, and for that, Marcel - I’m so sorry. I wasn’t hooking up with anyone, I wasn’t dating anyone. I loved you so much, but I didn’t know how to balance my new life with my old one.”

Marcel bares a slight grin, “Thank you for the apology, but I also stopped trying, too. So, the blame is on the both of us.”

“You know, when I got home the Summer after uni, I actually tried to find you again,” Louis admits. “I wanted to talk about everything and get back together but...Lottie said she saw you walking with another boy and I didn’t feel like doing that to you. Trying to break you up from someone that was probably treating you better than I ever could. That wouldn’t have been fair of me, so I just...didn’t?”

“Wait, are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“I only dated that guy for maybe a month, not even. He was the most boring person I’d ever met,” Marcel moans as he tells. 

“Really? You’re telling me that I could have avoided all this time between us if I had just had the courage to ask?”

“I mean, you can’t think like that because who knows what would have happened? And besides, I could have reached out, too.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Well,” Marcel’s entire being wants to shut off and not discuss anything, but if Louis is going to be honest with him, he owes the same. Even if it’s beyond uncomfortable for him to do so, even if he wants to roll up into a tiny ball, he has to do this for Louis. He has to tell the truth. 

“Just like you said, I thought uhm. I thought you were better off without me. I was young and still in sixth form, and you were away at uni having the time of your life. You didn’t need your stupid hometown boyfriend tying you down.”

Louis shakes his head, “You’re an idiot. I used to hate when you would do that to yourself, talk me up like I was something more than I was or talk yourself down like you weren’t the best person in my life. I only ever wanted to be tied down by you.”

Marcel squirms under the attention, “Yeah well, what can I say? We’ve apparently both done some stupid things.”

“Apparently so.”

“So erm...how does Grace fit into all of this?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get there.”

“Okay.”

Adjusting his body on the couch, Louis leans in closer to Marcel. “After that first year at uni, life changed quite abruptly. I had been disheartened by you dating someone else, at least that’s what I thought, and then we found out me mum had cancer,” Louis’ eyes are watering, but Marcel doesn’t dare move closer. He doesn’t want to overstep. 

“Jay...is she?”

“Yeah, she is.”

Marcel’s heart cracks straight down the middle. This must be why his own mum could never get a hold of her. She had been sick. Most likely in the hospital all that time, not avoiding them because of Louis, but because she couldn’t talk. It makes so much sense now, but it hurts even more knowing that the Tomlinsons were dealing with this, and Marcel, nor his family, knew about it. Much less could help.

“I’m so sorry, Louis. Jay was one of the most amazing people I ever knew. I just, I can’t imagine losing a woman like that, especially when she was your mum. ”

“Thank you. That means a lot coming from you.”

“Though, I can’t help wondering? Why didn’t you tell us? My family and I would have wanted to be there.”

“It was selfish of me, but I didn’t want you to show up with your new boyfriend. So I told my sisters not to say anything.”

“Really?”

Louis looks down as he says, “I honestly regret that decision every day after I made it. All I wanted was you there with me, I needed you with me. And I felt like I couldn’t. And if I had seen you with him, I would have completely broken down worse than I already was.”

Marcel is crying, he can’t contain the tears from his eyes as he watches Louis struggle with his own watery expression. “Lou, can I hold you?”

“Please.”

Grasping onto Louis like a lifeline, Marcel wraps his arms around Louis’ waist while Louis wraps his own around Marcel’s neck. They both cry, taking refuge in broad shoulders and warm chests until the sadness dissipates. While they may not have talked in years, when it comes to this, they will always know how to comfort one another. It’s innate. 

“I’m so sorry for not telling you,” Louis whispers into his chest after their glossy eyes have dried. 

“It’s gonna hurt for a while, but I forgive you.”

“I don’t deserve it.”

“Not true. Not even close to true.” Marcel relays. Louis looks like he’s not convinced, but Marcel decides to come back to this at a later point and charges on. There’s still a piece of this story missing. “So, what happened after?”

Huffing, he picks up where he left off, “We moved away. Dan wanted the family to live closer to his parents so the young ones had someone to watch them while he worked. I somehow managed to finished uni while suffering with alcoholism, and then Fizzy got pregnant.”

“Wait, alcoholism? Pregnant?”

“I’m sober now, have been for years, but...I didn’t cope well for a long time. My family finally pushed me to go to rehab when they said that I wouldn’t be allowed at any of the family functions anymore. That broke my heart even worse because I wanted to be the cool, fun uncle, you know? And I wanted to be the supportive, caring, older brother. And here were my siblings telling me I couldn’t be a part of any of it if I didn’t clean up my act.”

“Harsh.”

Louis shrugs, “I needed it. After three months in rehab, I came out clean, healthy, and with a new perspective on life. Fizzy was about five months along, and I remember getting to feel the baby kick that first day I was back home. It made everything I went through worth it for that moment.”

“Not many people would have come out of that the way you did, that’s amazing. And it must have been so wonderful getting to have that moment with her on your first day back. Did she erm," Marcel hesitates, "Did she know who the father was?”

“Fizzy wouldn’t say, just that it was someone that didn’t want to be in their lives. Everything seemed to be going so well, though. We were all one big happy family again for the next two months. It’s unbelievable how fast life changes,” He pauses, taking a few breaths before carrying on into the next part.

“We were all getting ready to come over and paint the nursery later that day when I got the call that Fizzy had fallen and she," Louis exhales, "She was sent to hospital.”

“No,” Marcel gasps. “No. Please don’t say it. Don’t say you lost them both, too.”

“Sometimes, when I think back on it, that day doesn’t seem real. Like I’ll wake up and this will all just be a nightmare I’ve been living.”

Louis leans back into the couch, “The doctors said Fizzy had a seizure. That’s why she was on the ground when they found her. We were in the waiting room for no more than an hour when they said she didn’t pull through...but Grace -”

“Grace?”

“Grace. She was a premie, but she survived.”

Marcel is flabbergasted. “Wait. Grace? _ Grace _ is Fizzy’s daughter?”

“Even named after her,” he confirms.

It clicks as soon as he makes that comment, “Grace was Fizzy’s middle name.”

“Yep.”

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.

“I don’t know how you’ve managed to pull through all these years. I don’t know how you’ve managed to go on after losing two special women in your life or how you’ve managed to stay sober or how you’ve managed to father your niece, but Louis - just based on the five minute interaction I saw between the two of you, you’re doing such a good job. You should be...you should be so doubtlessly proud of yourself. I could never have done what you did.”

“I wish I felt that way, but all I feel is that I’m no match. Grace, she needs my sister and I’m just the replacement. Every time shit gets hard, I just can’t help thinking that it should be Fizzy here doing this stuff. That she would have been better at this, that she would have known what to do.”

“That’s not true! You’re incredible, you’ve always been incredible. Life has given you a shitty hand, but it doesn’t change who you are. You’re still the amazing Louis Tomlinson and Grace is the luckiest person in the world to have you taking care of her.”

Louis is quiet for a while before he gathers up the ability to say, “Thank you. Even though I don't believe it, I suppose it’s still nice to hear.”

“I will gladly tell you that every day if you want me to.” 

It’s a bold proposal. The boldest thing Marcel has said in a while but he means it with every stitch of his being. Louis’ affected by it, too. It’s evident in his gaze, though he’s resisting to slip out even another single tear. Marcel wants to tell him to let them all out, that it’s alright to be vulnerable with him. That it’s alright to _ feel. _ However, when Marcel swears there’s about to be another round of _ something_, Louis sits up in his spot and exhales. 

“So yeah, that’s uhm - that’s it. That’s my story.”

All around them, between them, the air is lathered in curiosity. What does this mean? Where do they go from here? Marcel wants to ask, ask what Louis wants from him now that it’s all out in the open? But unexpectedly, Louis stands up, and the opportunity slips through his grip as though he never really had it in the first place. 

“I can take you home.”

Oh?

Oh.

“Sorry, I’m sure I’ve overstayed my welcome.”

Peering up sternly, Louis declares, “Not even remotely. I just figured that since I’ve told you everything, you don’t have a reason to stay any later.”

Marcel honestly doesn’t know what he wants to do. He is out of his depth here, so far out he might as well be drowning. While he wasn't necessarily ready to go home so suddenly, it’s not a bad idea to get some time to himself. To think this over and really absorb, really process, what he’s been handed. 

“Er well,’” he tries explaining but decides against it. He couldn’t clarify it well enough, even if he wanted to, “Yeah that’s fine.” 

Eloquent as ever. 

Louis doesn’t offer anything more as they get back into his car and drive over to Marcel’s flat, as instructed by his GPS. Other than providing his address, Marcel doesn’t say anything either. He doesn’t know what would be appropriate. When they arrive to his street, they both sit idle for a moment, permitting the awkwardness to settle in amongst them in an overbearing manner. Not wanting to further soak in its state, Marcel finally speaks up. 

“Thank you for the ride, and for telling me everything tonight. I know that wasn’t easy for you, but I really appreciated it.”

“It’s okay. You deserved to know.”

Marcel releases a reassuring grin until he’s reaching for the door. Just as the handle is within his hold, Louis asks, “I’ll er, see you around?” 

It most likely was meant as a statement that turned into a question, because neither of them truly know what will proceed following this night. For lack of anything better, Marcel simply says, “Yeah,” and gets out before he has the chance to admit anything he may regret. Behind him, Louis’ car lingers long enough for him to get inside his building, and then it’s off. Disappearing into the dark. 

Marcel doesn’t know what to make of the disappointment that stems at its retreat.

Entering inside his flat, nervous to be bombarded with questions, he actually comes to find Niall asleep on the couch with Dusty content on his stomach. The view is well worth an image, but he doesn’t feel much like it. He’s exhausted and so very confused. Rather than doing anything, he decomposes himself on his bed, and lets himself succumb to the varying emotions that have been beating his ribcage to be let out. Marcel lets them, giving them the freedom to roam, to swallow up his heart and absorb him fully. And when it does, all at once, it starts to hurt for so many different reasons. 

For the loss of Jay and Fizzy. 

For not being at their funerals.

For the struggles Louis has gone through alone when he’s wanted Marcel next to him. 

For their unneeded loneliness over the years.

And last, but absolutely not least, a fresh round of tears emerge for Marcel’s tortured heart. Who spent years tirelessly exterminating Louis from his home, only to have said person show up just to prove he was never really gone in the first place.

* * * *

Every time he returns to his mum’s, the nostalgia of being back in his hometown tingles at his fingertips. It burns with a desire to seek out old memories, and today is the only time he’s ever pursued it’s lead. Taking a few turns to a path he hasn’t been to in ten years, Marcel hikes through the nearly forgotten woods till he arrives to his destination. 

Their place. 

He can practically see the ghost of their youths now. Louis leaning over him, invading him, loving him. And Marcel wishing the whole time that it would never end. That they would never end. But they _ did_. They lost it, they lost each other, and Marcel had to cope with the loss for so long. Too long. 

But, he never thought about them getting back together. 

He never entertained such a thought. 

It seems strange considering he spent years dealing with getting over Louis, but he never did. Truly. It was so unfathomable to even think of such a thing that it never crossed his mind. Yet, here he is. Faced with decisions upon decisions about where to go from here? What is his next step? The teenager inside him wants to give his heart over to Louis again, but that part of him has loved and will always love that eighteen-year-old boy. He’s biased. 

The other half is saying that they’re different people. They’re no longer teenagers, but adults, with adult problems. Maybe Marcel loved him as a kid, but that doesn’t mean he’d love Louis now? Louis might as well be a stranger. 

Which, is valid. 

Running his hands over his face and rubbing at his eyes, Marcel aggravates himself with these thoughts. This is certainly a stress he hadn’t planned on having. The hike was good in that it gave him a way to decrease his pent up energy, but coming here basically threw it back at him tenfold. He shouldn’t have done this. In theory, it sounded like a good option - to face one's fears and whatever. However, it’s not worth it if it’s only upsetting him more. Concluding that he’s had enough fun running down memory lane for an eternity, he makes to vacate, but the image of a giant rock stops him in his tracks. 

** _Flashback_ **

_ “I want to remember this night forever,” Marcel said breathlessly, after tugging on his clothes. _

_ Louis kisses him again, “We will.” _

_ “Hey, do you still have that sharpie in your pocket?” _

_ “Yeah? Why?” _

_ Giggles chaotically erupted as Marcel grabbed the pen from Louis’ hand. With it, he stumbled over to the largest rock he could find with a mischievous smile alighting his face. _

_ “Oh come on babe, that’s so silly,” Louis joked, though he came over to watch, and didn’t attempt to take the marker back. _

_ “But...I think it’d be sweet?” _

_ Louis smirked, “You’re lucky you’re so cute.” _

_ They both knew that if Marcel pouted and batted his eyelashes just right, that Louis would give him anything he desired. Thankfully, he never took advantage of that fact, and tonight was no exception as Marcel inched closer to the rock and drew. _

_ M + L _

_ “Oi, you’re forgetting the heart.” _

_ “I thought you said this was stupid?” Marcel bantered. _

_ Louis’ cheeks tinted with the loveliest shade of pink as he shook his head with a laugh and grabbed the sharpie, not only adding a heart around it, but adding a little something else too. _

_ M + L 4ever _

_ “There M, now it’s perfect.” _

** _End Flashback_ **

He can’t believe it’s still there. The stupid sign they drew. Marcel wants to break it or throw it over the cliff, but it wouldn’t make him feel any better. The sharpie won’t erase, unlike their relationship had. Does he really want to go through this again? Does he really want to give Louis the ability to hurt him again? He understands Louis went through a lot, he does. But Marcel was so quickly tossed to the back and forgotten about like he hadn’t been there at all, like he hadn’t meant anything at all. Can Louis absolutely ensure he wouldn’t do that next time something occurs? 

It scares him so much, more than he’d like it to. 

Maybe he should take this as a sign to stay away from Louis? Maybe he should move on from his past once and for all? The rock is the perfect emblem that things don’t last forever, their love didn’t last forever. And this second chance will only serve to reiterate that point - that they’re not meant for more. Maybe it’s time Marcel learns from his mistakes and saves himself when he still has the chance?

Maybe it’s time, while his heart isn’t broken for good?

* * * *

Later that night, he goes over to his mum’s house where he spends time with her and Gemma. He informs them of the events of his date, and how he actually had met up with Louis, which as predicted, completely shocks them both. Initially, the unplanned reunion had elicited excitement from the women, until Marcel had to bear the bad news of the Tomlinsons’ situation. The reveal of their unfortunate circumstances left Marcel’s mum so distraught that she eventually excused herself and hid away in her room for the remainder of the evening. Gemma promised they would be alright, it was just a lot to take in. 

Marcel couldn’t agree more.

When morning does rise, Gemma and Anne come down appearing a touch better than before, and return to their conversation over breakfast easily enough. Inquiring about what Marcel plans to do. All he answers is that he doesn’t know, and for now, they let it go. While they do show signs that they have more to say on the subject, his mum only leaves him with one piece of advice. 

“You’ll figure it out, darling. You always do.”

The comment lingers in his mind for most of the afternoon, accompanying him back to London. It’s easier said than done. Don’t they understand? When he makes it back to his flat, he repeats the same actions from the previous night by relaying everything to Niall, however, Niall’s reaction is a bit different from the rest. 

“I don’t understand?”

Marcel tilts his head, “What?”

“Why you’re sitting here with me instead of kissing Louis’ brains out?”

Startled, he asks, “Wha-why would I be doing that?”

“For one,” Niall emphasises by pointing to his fingers, “He told you everything, he had tried reaching out to you again but you were dating someone else, and he _ wants _to be back with you. Not to mention, that he left the ball in your court to choose what happens next.”

“What if we don’t actually like who we are now?”

Nial shrugs nonchalantly, “Then you’ll break up and call it what it is?” He says it like it’s the easiest and most obvious thing to do. Doesn’t he know how hard that would be for Marcel?

“I don’t think I could go through losing him again.”

“M, you can. It would be so different this time. Before, you were convinced the two of you were destined to be, and you were left with a mountain of questions and no closure. This is your closure, but it’s also an opportunity for you to try again and see if you really are destined. If you do break up a second time, then you’ll come away from it knowing that you gave it all you could. And that will be the difference that will help you move on next time. _ If _that even happens.”

Well then. 

Marcel hadn’t really thought about it like that. That if they break up again, it wouldn’t tear him apart like before - that it could even be beneficial. This is a lot to take in. Just yesterday he was set on not returning, but here Niall is debunking an ocean worth of worries he was carrying within. Can it really be so simple? 

“I don’t know.”

“Look,” Niall adds, “Any questions or doubts you have, you should be talking about with him. You don’t have to be in a relationship starting tomorrow, you can go as slow as you want and be friends to start off with. All he wants to know is if you even want to try. And I think you would be making the biggest mistake of your life not to.”

That is a fair argument, Marcel doesn’t disagree. They don’t have to pick up where they left off or resume with any expectations. They don’t have to even be officially together for months until Marcel is ready. In the meantime, they can just dip their toes in the water, see where it goes. If the current pulls them in deeper, and they are willing to let it sweep them away, they can address it then, but not yet. For now, it could be simple. 

That actually sounds kind of nice. 

“You really think so? Biggest mistake of my life?”

“If you think you were bad trying to date other people before, imagine how much worse you’ll be knowing that Louis is out there somewhere actually _ wanting _to be with you?” Niall obnoxiously laughs. “You’ll never really move on. You’ll be stuck with a boatload more of ‘what ifs,’ when you could just get rid of them by giving him a chance.”

“I...I suppose you’re right,” Marcel growingly succumbs to the notion, “And like you said, if this fails, at least I’ll know I did my best, yeah?”

Clapping his hands, Niall shouts, “That’s the spirit!” To which Marcel gives him the v. 

“I really need to start charging for these therapy sessions.”

Marcel mimics with a wolfish grin, “I thought, ‘that’s what friends are for?’”

“Rude.”

They both laugh until Niall asks soon after, “So? What’s your plan then? How do you want to tell him that you’ve realised you want to be together?”

And well, he hadn't thought about that? Luckily, Niall more or less forces him to for the next few hours. Is the plan great by the time it’s finalised? Not even close. Is Marcel going to do it anyway? 

Absolutely. 

* * * *

It takes until Tuesday for Marcel to put his plan into action. Disembarking directly from work, he nervously drives his car to where he vaguely recalls Louis’ house residing. The trip takes longer than it did initially, partially because he stops to grab sunflowers on his way, Louis’ favourite, and partially because he manages to get lost about three different times. Nevertheless, he somehow locates the familiar white picket fence and pulls up into the driveway.

Exiting his car, he takes the flowers within his hand and strolls up to the navy front door. However, instead of knocking, he pulls out his phone and sends off a message. 

_ MES21: Knock, knock _

Gratefully, Louis replies within a few seconds. 

** _Ltom91: Oh god, you still make these jokes?_ **

** _Ltom91: who’s there?_ **

_ MES21: Adore _

** _Ltom91: Adore who?_ **

_ MES21: Adore is between us _

There must be a moment of contemplation over the response, but soon enough, rushed footsteps resound from within the house before the front door is swung open, revealing a surprised, but always beautiful Louis. 

“What are...what are you doing here?”

“Well,” Marcel nervously laughs, and sneaks a glance down at the ground because Louis’ eyes are piercing into him so strongly he might forget what he wants to say. “I’ve thought a lot about what we talked about, and I have to be honest, it terrified me. Especially the thought of going through this again, not because being with you is terrifying, but because the thought of losing you again is. I didn’t handle our first break up well, I spent years never moving on and being in failed relationship after failed relationship because I didn’t have any room in my heart...I was still in love with you.”

Louis gasps audibly, but Marcel doesn’t let it deter him from his speech. 

“But then that scared me too, you know? Because, did I want to go back to you for the right reasons? Or was I going back to you because I still loved the version of you in my memories?”

“Understandable,” Louis says.

“I need you to know that even though you’re already in my heart, that it shouldn’t mean anything. If we are going to try this, we have to go in knowing that you don’t know me as I am now, and that I don’t know you as you are, either. From there, we can go further, but we have to start at the bottom first. We have to start in the shallows.”

“Agreed.”

“I also,” He exhales, “I want you to see us as a team. Hopefully nothing bad will happen, but Louis, if it does, you can’t push me aside. We should be going through everything, even the bad stuff, together.”

“I know you won’t believe me now, but I will prove to you every day that I won’t do that to you again. I was young and stupid, and I made decisions without taking into account how you would be affected by it. But I've spent years learning from my mistakes, and unlike then, I want you there with me - for everything. The good and the bad, as you said.”

A grin breaks free from Marcel’s pout as relief engulfs his senses. He’s still hesitant for sure, but the stress has been cured temporarily by Louis’ sudden proclamation. 

“Alright. And just to reiterate, I’m ready to try, but I want this to go slow.”

“Shallows, got it.”

“I mean it, Louis. I want to take things day by day.”

“I swear, whatever it takes.”

“You sure?”

Louis steps closer, “I know this might be coming on too strong, but I’ve lost a lot of chances I could have had to be with you again, and now that you’re standing in front of me, I’m not losing out on this one. I think there was a reason fate brought us together, and it’s cause we are meant to be. We have always been destined to be. Ever since the day I lost you, I have wanted you back in my life but it felt like so much was working against me. I thought I’d never be able to hold you again. Yet, here you are. And so yes, I am ready to do anything to make us work this time. But, before anything else, I do have one question of my own. What about Grace?”

Marcel’s grin widens, “Yes, I want the whole box.”

“Huh?”

“You know? That box that you and your dog Clifford all come wrapped together in? I assume she comes in there as well, right?”

Louis rolls his eyes and chuckles, “As do you and Dusty.”

“Think you can handle it?”

“I’m more worried if you can.”

“Don’t worry,” Marcel assures, “This is the one thing I’m not afraid of. You breaking my heart? Yes. Being a part of you and your family again, including Grace this time? Not even a little bit.”

Louis’ cheeks are painted strawberry red, and Marcel is quite proud for being the cause of it. Feeling a little smug, Marcel, however, is thrown right off his high horse when Louis asks, “I know kissing is off limits, so can I hold you right now?”

He can’t help his retort, “Who said we couldn’t kiss?”

“I just figured-”

“I’ve been waiting ten years to kiss you again, Louis Tomlinson. I should hope you’ll-”

A perfect pair of scruffy lips ensnare his mouth before he can say anything more, but he isn’t mad about it one bit. Melting into Louis’ touch, Marcel’s heart implodes at the contact. This is what Louis does for him. This is what only Louis can do. He makes Marcel feel complete. He makes him feel whole. 

No one can compare.

Regrettably, their mouths break away sooner than either of them would like, as Marcel slips past his tongue a whispered, “Wow.” 

Louis brings his hand tentatively to Marcel’s face and rubs his thumb soothingly into his skin, “I won’t break your heart this time, Marcel. Even if this doesn’t work, I won’t hurt you like before.”

“I really hope you’re right.”

“I am.”

Stepping away just a fraction, Louis’ eyes focus on something below, immediately causing him to tease, “So, when were you planning on giving me the flowers in your hand?”

“Oh?” Marcel glances down to the bundle in his grip, “These old things? They’re for myself actually.”

“Mhm.”

Laughing, he relinquishes, “Erm here, Lou. Sunflowers for my sun.”

Louis bursts into a fit of laughter, definitely a bit embarrassed, but also definitely a lot fond, “Charming as ever,” he says as he takes them in his hand. After smelling the petals quickly, he lifts his baby blues up and emits his spellbinding smile. It’s too much. Even worse, Louis tacks on carefully at the end a quiet, “Thank you.”

It's so gentle, and meaningful, Marcel could die right here.

“You’re welcome.”

As they stand there, Marcel takes in every little detail of the scene, every little glimmer, every little speck, wanting to remember this moment exactly as it is. Wanting to remember their looks of optimism, hope, in case the other shoe drops. In case this second chance burns out. 

But, it never does. 

What does happen, is that after that day, Marcel and Dusty are invited over as guests to make unicorn pancakes with Grace, Clifford, and Louis. Grace falls in love with having another friend to spend time with, Marcel falls in love with her. The Tomlinsons and Styles are inevitably reunited, and even more so, it feels like they were never apart to begin with. Marcel’s mum whispers that she’s glad he figured it out, Niall shouts that he was right all along. 

Which, may or may not be true. 

It takes time though, for things to change. For Louis to alter every ounce of hurt in Marcel’s heart into care and affection. For Marcel to believe when Louis promises him forever. It takes a long time, but it happens. Like the tide, Louis ebbs at Marcel’s insecurities and gets him to trust again fully, doubtlessly. And when that magical moment occurs, Louis gets down on one knee and proposes to the only boy he’s ever wanted as his own. 

Grace walks down the aisle with Clifford and Dusty beside her, Niall toasts about a football changing history, and Marcel vows to Louis that he will never ever hold back from him again. 

“One time you said that I was the rain. Well Lou, you are my ocean. You are what makes me _ me _, and I would not exist without you. I never want to exist without you. For so long I have been hanging out at the shore, afraid to venture into the deep, but I’m ready - I’ve been ready - to give you my all. And this is my vow to you, to give you everything I am, for more than a lifetime. To be all that you need, for more than my existence. I vow that I will never stand in the shallows again, and instead, fully immerse myself into you. Because you are all that surrounds me, you are all that consumes me. And I will do all that I can, be the best that I can, to show you how lucky I am to be the captor of your heart - the rain to your seas - for longer than forever.”

Louis’ soft, loving mouth reaches out in need, graciously sealing their fate for good. And Marcel, whether at sixteen or twenty-eight, couldn’t be happier if he tried.

  
  
  
  


PS...they go on to adopt lots and lots of babies. (And more cats and dogs, too)

  


** _The End. _ **

**Author's Note:**

> _Thank you so much!! _  

> 
> Here is the [rebloggable post with photoboard](https://afangirlfantasy.tumblr.com/post/188431734726/he-was-a-different-league-when-i-was-nothing)  
Here is the [rebloggable post with manips](https://afangirlfantasy.tumblr.com/post/188431784731/he-was-a-different-league-when-i-was-nothing)  
This is my main tumblr blog: [afangirlfantasy](http://afangirlfantasy.tumblr.com)  
This is my fic rec / author rec side blog: [alarriefantasy](http://alarriefantasy.tumblr.com)


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